The Weirdest Singing Voice on YouTube

When I first heard Tay Zonday, I admit my first response was that this voice was doctored — perhaps he was lip-syncing to one of those voice from SimpleText in MacOS 8. But after viewing all his videos, I'm convinced that this is his real voice.

Just as interesting as his voice is the lyrics to Tay's songs. Take a look at the first three verses and chorus to "Lifetime Limbo", the name of the video I've posted here.

I sing a song I don't care whether
All the pieces fit together
Lollipops and traffic stops
Dancing on an old roof top

TV dinners like the picture
Reading junk mail like it's scripture
Bach and Tupac on random repeat
Bumped to first class airline seats

Spitting llamas at the zoo
Bosses who just laugh at you
Getting soaked by ancient rain
Seeing your baby's face again

(Chorus)
I sing a song I don't care whether
all the pieces fit together
Sing it high and sing it low
Sing the lifetime limbo
Sing it high and sing it low
Sing the lifetime limbo

I fully admit that this is my favourite song of Tay's as I think it's the one with the most soul. With this in mind, it seems to me as though Tay Zonday is a man who is too weird for mainstream audiences. That's a shame since I believe he really is a good singer.

Still, interesting things happen when you post your music on YouTube. A fellow like Tay could develop a following. Maybe this is a case where "weird" can translate into thousands of admirers.

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Horned Grandma

Just another thing to give kids to watch if they start complaining that you're not as cool as Grandma. Sure, Grandma may give you some cookies and let you stay up later, but what you do not know is her dirty secret. She has a long, curvaceous horn growing out of her forehead to further enunciate her evil.

But do not be afraid of the horn. Without that horn, you wouldn't have been born. So go on. Give her a kiss.

If you do not give her a kiss, though, you shall face her wrath. She shall destroy you with her fiery gaze and morph into something more insidious. In the end, this isn't so much about the horn as it is about the power derived from the horn and the great evil thereof.

Still think Grandma is cool?

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Heed the Wonders of the Time Cube!

Why do you not believe in the Time Cube? The only reason, says "Dr." Gene Ray, is your own educated stupidity. Your academic mind is brainwashed and cannot comprehend Cubic magnificence. Heed the words of the wisest human.

If you believe the academic erroneous word
god, you will die stupid and evil - for you
have not the mental freedom to comprehend
Nature's Higher Order Wisdom of the
Harmonic Simultaneous 4-Day Time Cube Creation Principle within 1Earth Rotation.
Until word is cornered, educators are liars.
by Gene Ray, the wisest human

Time Cube

Here you will learn the sheer dumbass-ness of Greenwich time, and know that since your father was a fish, perhaps you should worship a fish god. Also, you will become educated unto the fact that American teachers are sworn to fight against the Time Cube — so you should not listen to them! Ignoring the Time Cube is evil and stupid. Therefore, youth should force their teachers to teach Time Cube or inherit a barren earth.

And if that doesn't convince you, know this: Revelations 7.1 proves 4 Earth Corners!

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Postcard From a Meth Lady

Click on the pic above to see a larger version.

Picture this in your head. Your friend Bob goes on vacation, perhaps to some place exotic (like Spain). You go about your business, almost forget that he is on vacation — he's been in Spain for almost two months. Then one day, as you are drinking coffee in the morning, the above postcard gets tossed into your mailbox.

You discover it is from your friend. After spewing out coffee, you begin to panic. Is Bob confessing his deep dark secret? Is his vacation simply a means to flee whichever troubles he has at home? For good reason, you're worried. Bob thinks he's being followed by elves.

Well, now you know the practicality of the postcard above. Here's a little idea for some mayhem. Go on vacation. After a little bit of time away, send a friend this postcard. Watch as the drama unfolds.

So, if you're willing to go through the trials of an unneeded intervention, all you need to do is print this picture and make use of it.

Apparatus for Facilitating the Birth of a Child by Centrifugal Force

This was actually created in 1965 by "inventors" George and Charlotte Blonsky. It was awarded patent no. 3,216,423.

Basically, it's a centrifugal delivery table. What you do is strap the woman, spin her around like you're a contestant on the Wheel of Fortune, and hope for the best. Doing this is supposed to help the baby emerge.

This raises a few questions. Where's the obstetrician supposed to sit? Is the dizziness supposed to distract the mother-to-be from her pains? And while the baby is flying out of the woman's uterus, how is one supposed to catch it?

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A Cat Spanking Video

During my time as a cat owner, I do some pretty interesting things to my cat. I taught him to play hide and go seek. I taped scotch tape to his feet and watched him dance around. Perhaps the cruelest thing I did was tie a shoelace to his tale and watch him go crazy as he chased the shoelace only to never catch it. Cats are made for wacky times.

Cat spanking is a little too wacky for my blood. That cat seems to enjoy the sensation of being spanked way too much. Perhaps it's just me, but this act reminds me a little too much of S&M. Is society so absolutely screwed up that whenever I watch a cat being spanked it seems a little too human to me?

In any which sense, I wouldn't worry too much if this one video was an anomaly. It is not. Wikia has a whole page devoted to cat spanking videos. This means we are on the verge of a new movement amongst feline enthusiasts. The cat spanking movement is soon to be upon us.

Cool Fingernail Art

Pfft! Red fingernails are so passe. If you really want to leave an impression with people, get your manicurist to do up your fingernails like this. If you think it's too gaudy, don't worry, your fingernails will grow back.

Of course, I notice that much of these fingernails are coated in brand logos. Is this to say that I'm missing lots of financial opportunity? That my fingernails could be used as valuable advertising space? Sign me up!