Nintendo Amusement Park

Did I ever tell you how much I love Nintendo? I absolutely do. Only after working for one of their competitors and realizing how much I don't like "hardcore" gaming did I realize exactly what Nintendo offers — the ability to play for fifteen minutes or for hours. In my possession, I have both a DS and a Wii and, for the moment, the DS is where it's at. My current favourite is Hotel Dusk which is pretty much a visual novel with a noir bent.

Anyway, I think this particular idea is neat but it is implemented very poorly. Nintendo Amusement Park purports to offer you a real life video game equivalency. That is to say, the ability to simulate gaming through real life. It's just a Mario-themed obstacle course.

The other thing I should mention is that I don't believe video game amusement parks really work in this day and age. Where is Chuck E. Cheese? Where's SEGA's old amusement parks? For that matter, whatever happened to arcades?

I gave them points for creating this amusing video, though.

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Japanese Nintendo Commercial Featuring a Dancing Link

Sometimes I wish I lived in Japan during the 90s. That way I'd have nostalgia for this commercial. As it is, I cannot help but feel that we here in North America are being deprived of some prime video game material. This would be one such indication.

Let's start with the dancing. Those moves are pure funk and would give Thriller era Michael Jackson a run for his money. Zelda... erm... Link here oozes dancefloor confidence and you know he would school your ass.

The music mixes video game cheese with some thick grooves. I can't get the bass out of my head. As is the case with much foreign fare, I wish there were subtitles in this video as I'm curious about the lyrics. All in all, I give this song an "A+" — it is truly awesome.

One other note: the princess is so hot. I'd rescue her anyday.

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Japan Continues to Create Video Games to Outrage Feminists

The game is called "Battle Raper 2". If the name is not obscene enough for Western consumption, take a look at the game's description.

The game is a 3D fighter where you are able to knock the female opponent's clothing off through combat. The story line has no relations to the original Battle Raper. In Battle Raper 2 there is no raping in the whole game even though the title may imply that there is. In this Battle Raper you also have the option of editing the clothing and weapons of characters.

Battle Raper 2 - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I don't know how this game has not caused outrage in Japan, but society there must have a totally different attitude to women than we do. Believe me, I'm as much a fan of Japan as the next person, but there has to be an explanation as to why there is even a market for this game. Does the common video game buyer even know what the word "rape" means? If not, did the developers even look at what this word means in an English dictionary?

Hypothetically speaking, if this game ever made it to North American shores, I wonder how Jack Thompson would handle it. He's already thrown hissy fits over much tamer fare. Not that I want this game to have a North American distributor either.

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A Super Mario Bros./Sopranos Parody

Undeniably, the most viewed post on this blog ever is the most frustrating Super Mario mod ever. Apparently, a lot of you love Mario. And I'm with you on that one. Mario is what defined my childhood and in many ways has also ensured my employment.

Hence, I thought I'd share with you The Marios — that re-imagines Mario as a Tony Soprano parallel. Undeniably, much of this production is cheesy and low budget. But why should that stop you from enjoying the premise?

One of the great things about the internet is the ability for everyone to create a movie or song or book and broadcast it to millions if not billions of people. Indeed, Hollywood may have the big box office productions that allow great spectacle. And there's nothing wrong with that: I go to the movies to see something larger than life. The democracy of the web is just as attractive to me.

Enjoy the Marios.

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Sony Kills a Goat to Promote the PS3

Sony wins points in my book for sacrificing a goat in the name of video games, but it seems in the larger world they are moving from one PR disaster to another. It seems their latest gaffe has the world in an uproar. The ritual has been described as "sickening" and "outrageous". I, however, call this case a prime example of a quixotical and am more than happy to add this newest escapade to my gallery.

And make no mistake: this wasn't a mere goat-killing. This was a full-on extravaganza, a feast for the senses. Who knew Sony had it in them?

At the event, guests competed to see who could eat the most offal – procured elsewhere and intended to resemble the goat’s intestines – from its stomach. They also threw knives at targets and pulled live snakes from a pit with their bare hands. Topless girls added to the louche atmosphere by dipping grapes into guests’ mouths, while a male model portraying Kratos, the game’s warrior hero, handed out garlands.

Slaughter: Horror at Sony's depraved promotion stunt with decapitated goat | the Daily Mail

On a sidenote, I find the Daily Mail's moralizing to be more than a little hypocritical as they are more than willing to make their bread and butter from celebrity scandal. I guess as long is it's Paris Hilton performing the orgies and not Sony than everything is peachy keen.

So will this get me to finally shell out money for a PS3? Hell no. I still believe the PS3 is overpowered and too expensive for my needs. However, they do win my respect for undergoing what they had to understand as a disastrous PR stunt from the get-go just so the kids (that would be me) would think they are cool.

That takes guts (pun intended).

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A Risque Sega Ad from the 90s

Ah, Sega. You were there for me at a time when I was just discovering girls. Back when you actually made consoles, you delighted me with your cheeky ad campaigns, your edgy attitude, and your blast processing. You made me believe being a gamer was akin to being cool.

As edgy as d they were in North America, though, that is nothing compared to what they got away with in Britain where they were able to publish the ad above in Viz magazine — which happens to be a repository of sick, disgusting humour "adults" (a.k.a., college boys) revel in.

And disgusting it is — as in, I wouldn't be showing this to my mother any time soon. But is it so wrong to be nostalgic for the days when Sega actually produced consoles? Is it evil to wish for a world in which Sonic on a Nintendo was considered blasphemy? The Sega that produced this ad was a different Sega. It was a cheeky Sega. It was a Sega in which it was reasonable to laugh at a spinach green Game Boy.

How I miss those days.

Via UK:RESISTANCE

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How Dating is Like Doom II

Some guy named Boyd has written a hilarious description on how dating his ex was like playing DOOM II on nightmare mode. He prefaces everything by saying that he could have chosen and easier level, but that he willingly chose nightmare mode. Here is an excerpt on the beginning of the smothering.

Pretty soon things start getting tricky, there seems to be a never-ending supply of Imps and they just won't stop. Baby, I love you but I need some space, okay? I've got other monsters to kill and these keycards aren't getting any easier to find.

Mingle2.com - How dating my ex was like playing DOOM II on nightmare mode

Oh man, I can totally relate. I was in that kind of relationship for nearly six months recently but I was too much of a pansy to establish some ground rules. The funny thing was that I went for it thinking that it would do me good. Of course, little did I realize that there is a brand of woman who is not satisfied unless you give her all your attention morning, noon, and night. It is absolutely torture then if she has absolutely nothing interesting to say.

So yeah, dating can be like Doom II on nightmare mode. It really is best to try something easier — preferably a mode that does not involve mass murder.

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The Most Frustrating Super Mario Mod Ever

Words cannot express the agony I feel as the fellow playing this game time and time again succumbs to death. Yet, I must laugh. The invisible coin block is just too much. The player was lining up to jump and then when he finally gets some air — BLAMMO! — he meets his fate.

I give him props, though, for sheer tenacity and stubbornness. If it was me, I'd just shut the damn thing off and move on to something else.

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Army of Trolls

My life, for better or for worse, has been linked to video games. It is not as though I'm an obsessive gamer. Except for when I once owned a Sega Genesis, I have never a crazed fanboy whatsoever. It's just that, in general, I suffer from a great case of technolust and video games are very economical for the fellow who needs something cutting edge. If possible, I'd rather buy the laptop than the PlayStation 3.

It just so happens that I also have a job in the video game industry. It's nothing that fancy, although when gamers hear what I do, they often get starry-eyed and mystified. Truth of the matter is that it just happens to be a means of getting food on my plate. If not video games, then I'd be digging ditches — although it is quite nice to have a nice desk job where I need not be exposed to the elements of the earth.

Yet beyond this, I cannot help but have a sense of nostalgia when it comes to video games. Unlike computers, most consoles from different eras still offer something called fun. They may be commodities, but they are not generic. Each has its own sense of unique design. I still play my Atari 2600 as I think Asteroids needs the Atari joystick in order to get the full experience.

Hence why I love the artwork of Gary J. Lucken. This video game-obsessed artist has a beautiful assortment of pixel art. By itself, it's merely artwork that is inspired by game sprites. However, along with this, he also tends to evoke the wonder of what makes people want to pluck down their hard-earned cash for a Wii. In the end, it is not simply about cheap technolust, as I may have implied, but it is about entering brand new worlds created by minuscule dots but absolutely controlled by you.

My personal favourite piece of art, by the way, is this cover for Edge Retro. It depicts a great history of video games and the blue-shirted fellow in the picture kind of reminds me of myself. I think it's the smug expression.