These Babies' Parents Should Be Ashamed of Themselves!

I don't care if he was a professional. I don't care if he walked on a tightrope over Niagara. The fact is, this man put these babies at risk. What, pray tell, would have happened if he tripped or miscalculated his jump? He would have turned these babies into jam sandwiches, that's what.

Even more embarrassing is that their parents put these babies at risk. But hey, I guess cheap thrills are more important than infants' safety. These are the kinds of children that leave loaded pistols on a coffee table under the mistaken assumption that their children wouldn't get curious.

Some people should not be parents.

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Popeye Arms

Apparently, the new cool thing amongst body builders is to create Popeye arms. That is to say, arms that are potentially bigger than their legs. To anyone who is not hoping to turn themselves into a cartoon, this is gross, unattractive, and tragically wrong.

The culprit of these Popeye arms is synthol, a mixture of oils that are injected between the muscle fibres. The effect is purely cosmetic. One's muscles do not improve in strength. Beyond that, though, synthol is potentially fatal to one's health as injection into a major blood vessel can cause embolism. Since the only benefit is in looking like Popeye, it is hard for me to see the benefit.

As for what directly causes this Popeye effect, as gravity does its part, tissues become inflamed. The blood vessels tighten, and the nerves cramp from getting squashed. All told, one is merely guaranteeing deformity through synthol's use.

It's hard for me to believe people would undergo such risk, but as you can see in the picture above, it happens.

Animal Pet Psychic

Blah, blah, blah. I already know scores of you believe in psychics. Even if you do, though, answer me this question: do you really think it is healthy when we put so much attention towards an animal that we hire a psychic to communicate with it? Think about it: should the quackery of the occult mingle with the quackery of Neuticles?

But okay, you do think the quackeries should mingle. Perhaps you think every quackery should merge themselves into a giant, orgiastic festival of quackery. Still, you got to admit when someone claims to hear voices in their head, and then claims that you can hear these voices — but you just don't know it — that is a sign of sheer crazy:

Can you actually hear voices inside your head?

Yes, I can, but so can you. Just as the clairvoyant images you pick up from animals are "inside your own head," the words or phrases you intuitively hear when engaged in nonverbal communication are "inside your own head." They are not as "loud" as spoken words, but that does not make the conversation any less "real." The gift of clairaudience (clear-hearing) allows us to circumvent the charades required to put together visual puzzle pieces.

Amelia Kinkade

Dear regular pet lover, is this the kind of woman you should give your hard-earned money to? Look deep inside your gut and tell me that you're not going to fall for this bullshit.

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Expensive But Non-Functioning Watches

This fashion accessory is absurd. It isn't so much because it is a watch that cannot tell time, but the whole circumstances of its invention is unintentionally ironic. Accordingly, there seems to be a misguided philosophical basis for its existence

The Internal Watch is encased in leather, rendering it non-functional as timepiece. The hidden watch transcends typical associations of status by isolating the emerging form rather than acting as a flashy signifier.

TrendySTORES - vlaemsch: internal watch

Okay. So I detect that since this watch is not supposed to act as a "flashy signifier" that the watch designer is trying to speak out against the evil of status symbols. Yet, the name of the merchant selling this watch is TrendySTORES — and they are selling it for the equivalent of $205.

I know the watch's inventor would probably tell me that I "don't get it". And that is fair. However, all this post-modernism is simply breaking my brain and I can't wait till all this deconstructive nonsense is over and done with. In other words, I'm looking forward to a future where trendy consumers will think buying an expensive faceless watch is a rip-off.

The Worst Tattoos Ever

My girlfriend loves tattoos, and she's tried talking me into getting one. Sometimes, that is a tempting proposition, but then I look at these guys. This then reminds me how most every tattoo, eventually, turns out to be a rather nasty enterprise.

For instance, Patrick Havens sums up everything I feel about the fellow above in the following words:

This dickless wonder paid someone to tattoo this on him… Shit, I know a ton of people in Brooklyn that would have done the real thing for free.

Living in the Whine Country » I love Tattoos but…

Now these tattoos (NSFW) take an especial dose of stupidity. Can it get any more stupid than tattooing the word "STUPID" on your forehead? Actually, it does. It really does.