Woman Accidently Inhales Condom

Apparently, this actually happened to a woman in India. I have a hard time believing it, but hey, odder things have occurred. If the doctor made his prognosis, who am I to argue with it?

A 27-year-old lady presented with persistent cough, sputum and fever for the preceding six months. Inspite of trials with antibiotics and anti-tuberculosis treatment for the preceeding four months, her symptoms did not improve. A subsequent chest radiograph showed non-homogeneous collapse-consolidation of right upper lobe. Videobronchoscopy revealed an inverted bag like structure in right upper lobe bronchus and rigid bronchoscopic removal with biopsy forceps confirmed the presence of a condom. Detailed retrospective history also confirmed accidental inhalation of the condom during fellatio.

Accidental condom inhalation. [Indian J Chest Dis Allied Sci. 2004 Jan-Mar] - PubMed Result

I'm going to ask what many of you are undoubtedly thinking. How the hell do you forget inhaling a condom? How can you show up at the doctor's office after that event and say, "I've got this terrible infection and I just don't know how I got it?" I mean, isn't inhaling a condom a guaranteed memorable event?

Don't even get me started on how it happened. She must have been so bloody enthusiastic that she neglected to notice the condom slipping off. Even more shocking is that she didn't swallow, she inhaled. Clearly, this is a woman who gives blowjobs like they're going out of business.

Now all you alpha males out there who are planning on tracking down this woman to get her to repeat this performance, please don't. She's been through enough. You'll kill her. You don't need that hanging over your head.

How to Encourage Abstinence to Kids

Get these people to show up at elementary schools and get them to demonstrate the kama sutra. Your kids will be so traumatized, so absolutely mortified, they won't even attempt foreplay. I'll bet money some of those kids will even enroll at a seminary.

Seriously, what kind of sex education is this? Those are the two most demented representations of genitalia I've ever seen. This isn't even fit for a NSFW label. The vagina is more similar to the Flying Spaghetti Monster than to a real vagina. And don't get me started on that penis. That penis is the most sickly, mutated thing formed. And what is up with that pubic hair?

If humans cease from all breeding, it will be because these two lunkheads showed up at every school on the planet and taught children the joy of lovemaking. Perhaps they have a stupid song to go with it. And maybe there's a brief warning about the evils of STDs. Thing is, after this presentation, not only will the next generation be STD-free, they'll also be pregnancy free too.

If you've seen Children of Men, you'll know it all makes sense now.

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The Horniest Man of the Victorian Era

The man you see above is Jonty Selman-Troytt. He may seem like a pretty benign character, but you are looking at a man who fathered 97 children. He was pretty serious about it too, wanting to commence relations with his wife immediately after she bore him a baby — and would have too if he wasn't wrestled to the ground by the physician (just as he was cutting the umbilical cord).

More amusingly, he felt it was his duty to engage in trysts. And I doubt there are many men who share the extent of his enthusiasm.

Jonty eschewed the use of any form of contraception, maintaining that it was 'the work of the devil to contain any man's life-juice within a bag' and that 'women were designed to be filled. Anyone can see that.' After copulation he insisted that all partners should lie prone for a period of twelve hours to 'increase the chance of fertilising my seed'

His greatest ambition was to impregnate Marie Stopes - the birth control campaigner - whom he referred to as 'a perfect vessel in need of filling.' Although he was never successful she was so impressed by his obsessive persistence that she marked every 100 repetitions of his invitation to 'gouge your verdant valley with my rough, pointed glacier' with a congratulatory medal which Jonty displayed proudly thereafter.

Voracious sexual appetite in Victorian era

There are many men who are known for their promiscuousness. Wilt Chamberlain, for instance. What sets Jonty apart from every other man, though, is his sheer colourful language. It's not just a case of confidence, it's a case of obsession — he was obsessed with "filling" women.

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Karen Greenlee, Necrophile

Karen Greenlee sleeps with dead men — and she has a particular taste for dead men in their early 20s. She first rose to prominence in the mid-80s when she stole a hearse and was not heard from for two days. Karen has a fascinating psychology. The odour of death does not repulse her — it turns her on.

What is particularly fascinating is that she is unrepentant about having sex with the dead. She does not feel a twinge of remorse when she recalls breaking into funeral parlours in order to sexually gratify herself. And frankly, she's going to have to break into funeral parlours since she was fired from Memorial Lawn Mortuary.

She elicits no sympathy from me. I will not give her an ounce of pity. When one desecrates the dead, one also mocks the families who mourn for their loved ones — as she pretty much admits to doing. Indeed, she even attended the funerals of the men she had sex with.

It was convenient working in the funeral homes. I'd get to drive out to the cemetery with the family. I'd get to mourn right along with the family at the loss of that loved one. Except I was groaning in a little different tone! People can't really tell if you're grief stricken or passion-stricken. I've had members of the families put their arms around me and say, "We're so glad you could come!" Then you have to spin this big old yarn, "Yeah, I knew him in school...." If the guy didn't have a girlfriend in life they think you were ... "Oh, she's the one!"

Karen Greenlee - The Unrepentant Necrophile

I don't know what bothers me more: that she actually had sex with the dead, or that she was "passion-stricken" when she mourned along with the family. It takes a lot of audacity to face the deceased's mother and feign concern when one is basically raping her dead son.

You will recall the documentary on men in love with their sex dolls. In many ways, necrophilia is similar. The key difference is that word "desecration". A sex doll has never lived, and so it is never harmed. When one has sex with a dead person, I feel their memory is being mocked.

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Some People Love Their Computers Too Much

As you can probably tell, I blurred out part of this picture because I knew it would not be worksafe. The NSFW version can be found here. I remember when I first clicked on that picture, the only thing I could think was, "Good God! This computer has a vagina!" And then I flipped out.

But this computer is for the true porn afficionado. Apart from the latex vagina, there are other interesting elements. Do note the lotion, the tissue paper with waste basket, Mountain Dew, and coffee mug adorned with lesbians. I don't know what the little mirror is for — perhaps someone can enlighten me.

Now it could be that this computer case is all just created for laughs. If not, I must state that it was only a matter of time before someone took their enjoyment of internet porn to unforeseen heights. My only wonder, of course, is if the case ever gets too hot. I imagine the latex and silicone could melt.

In the likely event that someone gets sent to the hospital for third degree burns, this story could very well take on a life of its own.

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Documentary on Men Who are In Love With Their Sex Dolls

In my opinion, these men have given up on life. Each one of them has decided that having sex with a sex doll is more intriguing than interacting with a living woman. Due to the enormous cost of building, maintaining, and repairing these dolls, that should say something.

I imagine many women would be offended by this. I know from my conversations with women on the internet that there are many who would kill to get their hands on a living breathing man. As we speak, they are not being obliged. Yet, the subjects in these films seem convinced that they lack the capability to be with a woman.

As pointed out again and again, the advantage of being with a doll is that she'll do whatever one wants sexually. One can dress them however one wants. There are no arguments. Davecat, who also keeps a blog, seems absolutely attached to his doll precisely because she is inanimate.

Seeming as embroiled as these fellows are with their dolls seems disadvantageous. They all seem terribly lonely. And their dolls just seem to exacerbate their loneliness.

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Bizarre Casting Couch Auditions

This is simply one of the funniest parodies I've seen in a while. The demure women being coaxed to do strange acts because it is sexy is too hilarious for me to not share with you.

But seriously, if you want to turn me on, you should do the following things that are mentioned here.

• Sniff some freshly made biscuits
  
• Click on the "Start" menu on Windows XP
  
• Highlight key passages in T.S. Eliot Poems

If you do this, you'll have me rolling on the floor, begging for mercy, ever so hungrily asking for more. And more of this means I want more of you because, as you know, you are absolutely irresistible. Especially when you are brushing your teech.

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Colombian Donkey Love

As absurd as the above investigative report is, it gets even more absurd than that. As if sex with donkeys wasn't enough, there is a "Festival del Burro" (Donkey Festival) in the town of San Antero that celebrates sex with donkeys. This even includes dressing up the donkeys in tantalizing costumes and dousing them in make-up to make them look more attractive. Don't ask me if it makes them look more appealing.

Also don't ask me how there came to be a tradition of sex with donkeys. It can't be that there are no willing women. I mean, there are always willing women. I'm not even going to attempt to hypothesize this one. Except to say that donkey sex is sick.

Via Prose Before Hos

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What Happens When Fundamentalists Get Into BDSM?

Pray tell, what shall you do if you are a fundamentalist Christian who is into BDSM? Well, you change the terminology and call it "Christian Domestic Discipline". Thereafter, you declare this as an "enhancement" for your traditional marriage.

As is expected, someone has spent a great deal of time and effort building a website dedicated to Christian Domestic Discipline. The webmaster is Leah Kelley and she declares herself to be virulently anti-feminist. Not only is she proudly submissive, she declares this is God's plan.

A Christian Domestic Discipline marriage is one that is set up according to Biblical standards; that is, the husband is the authority in the household. The wife is submissive to her husband as is fit in the Lord and her husband loves her as himself. He has the ultimate authority in his household, but it is tempered with the knowledge that he must answer to God for his actions and decisions. He has the authority to spank his wife for punishment, but in real CDD marriages this is taken very seriously and usually happens only rarely. CDD is so much more than just spanking. It is the husband loving the wife enough to guide and teach her, and the wife loving the husband enough to follow his leadership. A Christian marriage embodies true romance and a Christian man a true hero.

Christian Domestic Discipline - Loving Wife Spanking in a Christian Marriage - About CDD

In other words, since the spanking is consensual, she is talking about BDSM. I theorize that she is uncomfortable being associated with an "alternative lifestyle" therefore feels the need to couch her relationship in religious terminology and decorate her site with Bibles, roses, and wedding rings. However, once you let the proverbial cat out of the bag, everything comes unloosed. Despite her deep religiosity, much of her website is (at the very least) R-rated.

I mean, she even sells her own BDSM/CDD gear. The picture above is from her set of crotchless pantaloons. She calls the colour "demure white". Clearly, this isn't just a woman who's put a lot of thought into her submissive relationship, she's seeking to profit from it too — and she probably has a clientele.

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These Guys Need Girlfriends

This is the most homoerotic thing I've ever seen. It's more homoerotic than 80s era Boy George making out with a groupie in a jacuzzi full of Skittles. The irony is that, for all intents and purposes, these boys were probably trying show the "ladies" their sexual prowess.

One would suppose that when you have a group of five virgin males in one room humping the air, you should not video tape it. Not only did these boys consent to being on tape, they decided to be all "stylish" about it. The tragedy, of course, is that this video has made its way onto YouTube for all to see.

I've said it before, I'll say it again: what gets on the internet stays on the internet. I've done my share of stupid things before but I'm always wise to never tape any of my enactments. Now these boys are in the obvious predicament of some stranger walking up to them and saying, "Hey, aren't you that guy who taped himself humping air and had his friends join him?"

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Big Nose Fetish

I don't think appreciation of big noses is that unusual per se but I do think the Big Nose Appreciation Page is neat. Not only do you get galleries of women with naturally big noses, you also get galleries of women with regular noses who get their noses morphed to absurd proporations. Funny enough, from a utilitarian point of view, big noses can be very useful in certain romantic settings.

And if you want to discuss your appreciation for big noses, here's the message board. Have fun!

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The Nonsense of "Nerd Porn"

I cry bullshit on Ernie Cline. This is crowd-pleasing mumbo jumbo in which this "nerd" is spewing things people wish they thought but can never actually think. Porn is not about idealism — that's what romance is for. Porn is about urges and finding an image in which to focus these urges then quickly forget once the urge passes. Every guy I know who admits to looking at porn will acknowledge that they see these women as blank slates — images to juxtapose whatever one wants upon.

Before I go on with my opinion, I suggest you read this "poetry".

Nerd Porn Auteur — Ernie Cline

Now I have a very good reason to call this bullshit. First off, there's lots of variety in porn. If you can think about it, it's already done. And if one wants intelligent commentary, there's a plethora of blogs floating about that focus on this subject. It's not that there's a dearth of "intelligent" porn out there.

But I also think he's probably lying when he says "that the sexiest thing is a woman who is smarter than you are". I say probably because what he probably means is "I like it when a woman makes me feel like an idiot" — which is not sexy at all. What is so sexy about a woman who makes you feel small and insignificant? Isn't the point of actual sex to find someone who cares enough to find pleasure with that most private part of yourself?

This, funny enough, is the difference between what a man expects of porn and what he expects of an actual woman. A man expects a woman to interact with him and not be a glossy figurine. He wants someone who moves with him, embraces him, and tells him she loves being near him. In other words, a man wants sex to be significant.

So Ernie Cline, I know this is bullshit. You are probably betting that the women hearing your "slam" don't look at porn. If you are a real nerd, you probably surf the internet and can actually find your supposed archetype of an "intelligent" woman. In fact, this archetype is quite popular — but the feminists don't quite care about that. You are too busy spewing nonsense to state what you really want.

Which is an honest woman who will actually relate to you.

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The Island of the Crab Orgy

That last sentence, by the way, is the worst pun ever.

Is it wrong, by the way, to think that upon watching this documentary, all I could think of was, "Mmmmh! Dinner!"? Because with all these millions of red crabs invading this island, some of them have to be delicious. Can I have an amen?

Apart from this very selfish thought, witnessing this event has to be a trip. I mean, we're talking about crabs in your putting holes, in your shoes, in your swimming pool. All this so that there can be some verifiable crab-loving. It's amazing that hordes of horny crabs can make their way to one remote island off the coast of Australia. It's even more amazing people can live through it.

And before you respond, be careful. I'm feeling a little crabby.

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Women Keep Your Virtue

My props to the actress in this sketch whose facial expressions really make this effective. This came from Harry Enfield's Television Programme, a hit 90s British sketch show that somehow escaped notice in North America. Perhaps it was too "British".

My favourite part of this particular sketch is where the woman begins to see men differently: as "dashing pilots and spunky chaps with hats at jaunty angles". Absolutely beautiful.

Funny enough, in a roundabout way, this also highlights everything I loathe about dating. When two people are "looking", there always comes a conflict of interest — where she is looking for something specific from the man, as is he. I know everyone talks about romance, but dating to me is a little too "business-like" for my tastes. It's like both people are constantly evaluating each other, and the evaluation almost never ends.

So we may laugh at this video and think to ourselves, "My, have things ever changed." But have they really? Too many women are looking to become complete. Too many men are looking for the next orgasm and don't bother to look at the long term consequences of that orgasm. Sometimes things work out and you get a marriage.

In the realm of sexual politics, the 1950s never really went away.

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Beware the Power of the Penis!

I am truly flabbergasted. I think the woman's original intent was to talk about the dangers of sexual promiscuity, but she got caught up. Pretty soon, she starts talking about "jackrabbits" and then about the dangers of "hitting the bottom". Oh, you know she's getting into it because she starts talking about how the penis is used to break a woman's will — and she talks about it with special enunciation.

That's when you know she's talking from experience. This woman has been burned in the past. You really know it. Hell, I didn't know we men had that kind of power.

I still can't believe, though, that the other woman talking is the main presenter's mother. I mean, can you imagine anything more awkward than being on television with your mother and talking about the evil power of the penis?

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The Incredible Edible Anus -- Made with Belgian Chocolate

One of the more clever allusions to scatological activity, the Incredible Edible Anus is a dessert that an eBay retailer hopes will become a hit. Well, his product definitely has one advantage over Hershey's Kisses: an anus is prone to spew out a product that actually resembles chocolate. Indeed, it is no slur to say that the makers of the Incredible Edible Anus actually are engaging in fudge-packing. It is not a stretch to imply that they hope, through their effort of fudge-packing, that their anuses will make contact with your mouth.

If you look at the two people enjoying their chocolate anuses in the picture above, one can state that there's meant to be a certain eroticism at play here. However, if you are vanilla like me (no pun intended), I can't imagine the Incredible Edible Anus being a hit come Valentine's Day.

"Honey, I've decided to present you this collection of chocolate anuses as a symbol of our eternal love" — there seems to be something missing from this statement. Perhaps it's tenderness. Perhaps the juxtaposition just seems wrong. Remember, though, that you are talking to a fellow that is quite vanilla in his proclivities (unless you count trees).

Whatever your motive, the Incredible Edible Anus seems to me like an intriguing novelty gift to give to that special someone — whether friend of foe.

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Billboards for Abstinence

AbstinenceFeelsGood.com is a website that has enacted a campaign encouraging teens to keep their clothes on and their hormones in check. There's nothing wrong with abstinence. It's the easiest way to keep teens from pregnancies and STDs. I think an ad campaign in and of itself is not a bad idea.

What I do strongly criticize is the guilt and mistruths the ads try to implant in others. "It feels good to have a good reputation" is one of the slogans. Yeah, only because society tells women that their sexual desires are "irreputable". Do you know how many women I meet who are unable to reconcile their naturally occurring feelings with "sluttiness"? Thank you ad folks with just reinforcing that.

Another one is "It feels good to know my boyfriend love me for more than just my body." How naive. When you interact with a woman on a personal level it is impossible to see her as a sperm repository. I'm talking about teenage boys too. While sex by itself can simply be a primal urge, I can guarantee that if a boy is spending a vast portion of his time with a girl, it's not just because of her body — although that could be a huge factor.

In other words, with their one sentence slogans, the ads succeed at reducing everything, instilling fear, and causing girls to loathe a very natural part of themselves. How very Macchiavellian.

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Prostitution Arrest Photos from the Saint Paul Police Department

The person on the right is 20-year-old Jeremiah Israel Wilson, a prostitute from Minneapolis who was unfortunate enough to have been arrested and whose face now adorns St. Paul Police Department's webpage devoted to prostitution arrest photos.

It seems as though if a john or street walker is arrested in St. Paul, their face could adorn the police department's webpage. That's not what happens so much in practice, though. If you take a look at it closely, you'll find "no photo available" for every woman on the page, and a very colourful photo for the men.

That's where Jeremiah Israel Wilson comes into play. Jeremish Israel Wilson, you see, probably has certain male appendages. Obviously, he identifies himself as a "her" and is not afraid to get monetary compensation for some certain sexual services as a woman. In other words, while all the other prostitutes faces are withheld from the webpage, out-of-towners who have a thing for transsexuals will now be able to match a face to the name.

Is the police department enforcing a dubious double standard? You bet!

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Neuticles

Neuticles, the invention that won the 2005 Ig Nobel prize for Medicine, is — in my opinion — yet another example of humanity's attempt to anthropomorphize nature. Every year, some fellow is mauled in a zoo trying to get into an animal's cage in the mistaken belief there is some "human" connection to be found. That, of course, is an extreme example.

The desire to add testicular implants to a neutered dog adds a sexualized element to these proceedings. It is not necessarily a direct erotic motive, either. Rather, it is more so a sense of guilt. This is what I ascertain from what Neuticles' customers say about why they decided to purchase silicone-based testicular implants.

"I've put off neutering "Crooked Joe" for months and when I found out about Neuticles and spoke to them it made me feel better about neutering. Joe not only looks the same now- but dosen't know he's missing anything."
Jeff Lane
Oak Park, Ill

What Pet Owners Are Saying About: Neutering With NEUTICLES

Hence, Neuticles seems to traffic in a certain neurosis: the trauma a pet owner feels when he denies his pet the privilege of sexual expression. It is not about the animal losing his testicles; it is about the trauma a pet owner goes through when he gets his dog's testicles removed. How would you feel if you went to the doctor and you unknowingly got castrated?

Of course, the satirical possibilities are endless as shown by this website devoted to dog condoms. Never deny the power of neurotic anthropomorphism. Especially when you throw in sex and guilt into the equation