Now, before all of you get up in arms about this, let me state what may not be so obvious. This is a prank. Mind you, this is an effective prank precisely because such protests are everyday occurrences. The extreme religious fringe will protest anything and everything. My guess is that someday they will protest gravity too.
The greater story here is that the pranksters are using this protest as a means to sell t-shirts and posters. One of the posters say, "R2-DEMON-2 is a FALSE God". From a business perspective, this is brilliant. Trolling Star Wars fans and Jesus fans is a surefire way to get one's coffee mugs sold.
Not everyone is happy about it, though. Jack, a devout Christian, believes these pranksters are provoked merely by cynicism.
Your are 'trolls', just not in a virtual community.
I will pray for all of you, and that you will regain your faith in our lord soon, and not continue to solely use him as a launchpad for your cause. Jesus is not a gimmick, even though when you were growing up people were trying to make him one.
My own opinion is that this is very funny. Andy Kaufmann himself would approve. I don't think they went far enough, though. These fellows need to go the Fred Phelps route and boycott Blockbuster, write hymns, and harass convention goers. And they should make a bold point about how God Hates Star Wars!
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Religious nuts, in and of themselves, are not all that noteworthy. At least when it comes to the purposes of this blog. Truth be told, this guy's Reagan-style haircut and farmer plaid shirt just accentuates the exciting part about this placard.
Which is to say, he's being awfully specific about who is going to be judged by God — and the specificities are hilarious! What is it about these categories of people that raises his ire so much? Did they all make fun of his big ears or something?
Well, because you are probably interested in knowing which people are especially going to be judged by God, here's the list in a more presentable form.
Pot Smoking Little Devils
Lewd Women
F se Religions
Pencil Neck Weak Kneed Gutless Men
Sports Nuts
Rebellious Women
Child Molesting Homosexuals
Witches
And Mormons
Liar
So there you go. If you are any one of those people, you better get to repenting — right now! This guy looks for real, as though he's got God's ear. I wouldn't piss him off if I were you.
I love In-N-Out Burger. On two occasions, I made trips to California just so I could dine at the best burger joint not yet established in Canada. For sure, In-N-Out Burger is kind of a greasy culinary Disneyland for me.
What I didn't notice, when I went to In-N-Out Burger, is the discreet Bible passages printed on the packaging. It's always in a spot you wouldn't look for, and the only allusion is the book, chapter, and verse. You would need a Bible handy to make use of the references.
Apparently, this is a practice that started in the 1980s when Rich Snyder was president of the company. A devout Christian, one suppose this was a means to preach the Word of God to unbelievers. After Rich passed on, the company continued this practice out of respect for him.
In case you were wondering which particular Bible verses were printed, and on which packaging, I have here a list.
Burger and cheeseburger wrappers Revelation 3:20—"Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear My voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will dine with him, and he with Me."
Beverage cups and antenna toppers John 3:16—"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but drink the everlasting nectar of life."
Milkshake cups Proverbs 3:5—"Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own thirst."
Double-Double wrapper Nahum 1:7—"The LORD is good, a strong hold in the day of Satan's double trouble; and he knoweth them that trust in him."
Paper water cups, or "R-9's" John 14:6 —"Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by the river of life."
Frankly, I don't care what religious persuasion you are. I think it's cool to find secret messages. It's kind of like using a metal detector — but doing it with pop culture instead. It's the same feeling I get when I see the naked woman hidden in the ice on beer advertisements.
This one hits close to home for me. In college, I studied religion, and I know from first hand experience that much of this goes on. This movie gets me outraged because I know this happens all the time.
With this in mind, there are people who desire the social infrastructure a cult provides. I met a woman who joined the Jehovahs Witnesses not because she felt any of it was true, but because she loved the sense of order the organization provided. She was willing to believe anything they told her — quite consciously — because she lacked structure and community in her own life.
My own opinion is that belief systems should always be approached with an active mind. One should analyze whether religion adds to the richness of a person's personality or dilutes it. If one believes in God, it should be a personal belief. There is no "technique" in this. Let each person decide — independently — where their path lies.
I think the intent of this religious painting is that when you pump heroin in your veins, you are also harming Jesus. I can accept the fact people have good intentions. But there's so much that wrong about this picture.
First of all, it looks like Jesus is in the thrall of a heroin rush. Look at the expression on his face. It looks like he's more into it than the junkie is.
The other thing I notice is that the junkie seems to enjoy getting Jesus high. It almost seems to be a malicious action, like he's saying, "Yeah, Jesus, I'm going to take you to places you don't want to go! And if you try to stop me, I've got this gun in front of me that will make you do as I say!"
Finally, it seems like Jesus and the junkie are sharing the same left arm. It's as though they are very awkward Siamese twins. I am assuming of course, that Jesus only has control over one arm — which is a really bum deal for him.
But, as with most propaganda, the logistics of the situation isn't as important as the "message". Unfortunately, in this case, the message is getting obscured by the impossible logistics and the ambivalent nature of the situation.
I think some of you should provide captions for this.
There's no way Fred Phelps can be real. These songs are just too funny. This has to be some sort of performance art that has kept up its facade all these years. It's too ridiculous for people to take seriously — no less a bunch of middle-aged choirwomen to take seriously.
But serious these people really are. They sing these songs with no sense of irony. Indeed it is ironic that they use the sounds of sin to preach against "sin". I present to you some choice tunes brought to you by that wonderful source of comedy, Fred Phelps — a master, if there ever was one, of "hamming it up".
My favourite song of the three I've shared with you is "We Have a Message". There's just something about hearing "Stompity-stomp-stomp", "Brokeback Mountain", and "BOOOOOOM!" sung by prim Church ladies.
Many folks wonder what would have happened to Hitler if he was accepted into art school. Well, I am one to wonder what would have happened to Fred Phelps if he made an early career switch into sketch comedy. I'm sure Monty Python would have scored big to have him as a cast member.
Again, after hearing these songs, it's hard for me to believe these guys can be serious. Which is why this really is screwed up.
Pray tell, what shall you do if you are a fundamentalist Christian who is into BDSM? Well, you change the terminology and call it "Christian Domestic Discipline". Thereafter, you declare this as an "enhancement" for your traditional marriage.
As is expected, someone has spent a great deal of time and effort building a website dedicated to Christian Domestic Discipline. The webmaster is Leah Kelley and she declares herself to be virulently anti-feminist. Not only is she proudly submissive, she declares this is God's plan.
A Christian Domestic Discipline marriage is one that is set up according to Biblical standards; that is, the husband is the authority in the household. The wife is submissive to her husband as is fit in the Lord and her husband loves her as himself. He has the ultimate authority in his household, but it is tempered with the knowledge that he must answer to God for his actions and decisions. He has the authority to spank his wife for punishment, but in real CDD marriages this is taken very seriously and usually happens only rarely. CDD is so much more than just spanking. It is the husband loving the wife enough to guide and teach her, and the wife loving the husband enough to follow his leadership. A Christian marriage embodies true romance and a Christian man a true hero.
In other words, since the spanking is consensual, she is talking about BDSM. I theorize that she is uncomfortable being associated with an "alternative lifestyle" therefore feels the need to couch her relationship in religious terminology and decorate her site with Bibles, roses, and wedding rings. However, once you let the proverbial cat out of the bag, everything comes unloosed. Despite her deep religiosity, much of her website is (at the very least) R-rated.
I mean, she even sells her own BDSM/CDD gear. The picture above is from her set of crotchless pantaloons. She calls the colour "demure white". Clearly, this isn't just a woman who's put a lot of thought into her submissive relationship, she's seeking to profit from it too — and she probably has a clientele.
I'm sure you can appreciate the irony of using a cartoon character created by the decadent West to teach kids about the supremacy of Islam and Islamic culture. The particular people guilty of this gaffe are Hamas. It's kind of like inviting Fat Albert to a KKK rally to teach kids the importance of segregation.
Another question burning in my mind is: where is the MPAA's lawyers in cases like this? They should send some high-powered attorneys to Palestine pronto! I mean, if one high profile terrorist organization is going to spurn all the is good and right about copyright, we're headed towards a slippery slope. Imagine how many college kids will be inspired to wage terrorism on the US by downloading Ocean's Thirteen onto their computer?
Finally, I think it's best we remember that it's not just Muslims who are guilty of the rampant ransacking of popular culture. Evangelical Christians have made an art of it. All you got to do is think of a popular rock band, walk into a Christian bookstore, and find their holy equivalent. This isn't all that new. It just seems more strange to us since there's a greater sense of irony.
Because I know you're curious, somebody has written a carefully reasoned report on how many atoms the Catholic communion adds to the universe. In case you are curious, the Catholic doctrine of transubstantiation states that when a Catholic takes communion, the bread and wine become — physically speaking — the body and blood of Christ. So while you may be continuing to see bread and wine, rest assured, there's more.
Lets assume 2 grams of wafer and 10 grams of wine per communion, a light wafer and a small sip. We'll also assume that upon transubstantiation the wafer and wine don't turn into any specific body part or muscle group, but instead into sort of a uniform Jesus slurry. That is, we're going to assume that the liquid to solid ratio of the human body is the same as the wine to wafer ratio found in communion.
To count the number of atoms in each serving, all we need is some high-school level chemistry. We're first going to find how many grams of each element appear when the serving is transubstantiated, using percentages from delld's writeup under Human Body Composition. For simplicity's sake, the 1% of the human body made up of trace elements will be ignored. Using those figures along with the Periodic Table of the Elements, we'll convert from grams to moles. Since moles count the number of atoms in a given mass, we'll have the total atomic count of each communion after all of this calculation.
Now before you jump up and say "Ah ha! This means transubstantiation is physically impossible!" keep in mind the Catholic perspective. Namely, that it is all a miracle, don't attempt to understand it, it's simply the grace of God. So in the end, this report doesn't add anything new to religious debate except as an interesting thought experiment.
What more, I doubt the average Catholic cares about the ins and out of how it all works. It will never make sense, don't try to understand it. Hey, I'm not saying I agree with them. That's just how they view it.
I think you know whose signature that is. It's this guy's. Billy Graham is back — and he's now endorsed by Apple. Together, they have created one elegant black iPod with a tasteful "heavenly blue" clickwheel.
So what makes this iPod unique? So many things! In my opinion, it offers far more than any other special edition iPod ever. Take a look.
As unique as the iPod itself, this digital boxed set brings you inside the stadium for a unique Billy Graham Crusade experience. Listen to sermons spanning his celebrated career from “The Road to Hell” to “The Love of God.” Hear all-time favorite hymns sung by George Beverly Shea and the Crusade Choir, directed by Cliff Barrows, including “Just as I Am” and “The Old Rugged Cross.” Pray with Billy Graham himself to accept Jesus Christ as your Savior. Also included is the New King James Version Audiobook read by the late Johnny Cash. It's an amazing 316 tracks, bringing us over 25 rare and unreleased tracks, including early sermons, prayers and remixes of such songs as “This Little Light of Mine” and “OK, Come On.” You’ll find “Billy Graham: Crusade” only on the iTunes Music Store.
If you're like me, you think this is awesome. This means you can listen to some sermons when you're jogging, bicycling, or snowboarding. With this iPod, everything is going to be a touch more inspirational. And from what I hear, you never have to recharge it. It's got eternal battery life.
I picture the vandal to be in a hazed stupor, and with his last dying embers of energy, he scrawls across the wall this message. He doesn't entirely know what he's writing — so removed from reality he is — but he writes it. And through the fog, what he writes just happens to be true.
Opium is for the masses, so it does not make sense to say something else is opium when opium does a pretty damn job being opium. I think the majority of us have been touched in someway by what exactly drugs can do to a person. We've all been touched by the tribulations of addiction even if (like myself) some of us have not been addicts ourselves. Religion is, for the most part, an idea. Opium, however, is a material commodity.
As for religion, it can be dangerous — but so can any idea. If we are going to condemn religion as a "drug", we might as well condemn any idea someone believes in. The more militant among you will decry religion as a fairy tale, and you may be right. But shall we then condemn fairy tales as being "opiates"?
One may say that fairy tales have not imposed as much damage on the world as religion. I am sure if one believed in fairy tales with as much conviction as religion, there would be mayhem. This is true of any idea that is believed passionately.
So the vandal is right. Religion isn't an opiate. Opium sure is, though.
At first, I thought this was a parody, and why wouldn't I? It features all the earmarks of one. There's the alien singing songs written by Mary Baker Eddy, the smirking talents of James Quall, and the psychedelic transitional effects. Also, let's not forget the puppets. Chip the Black Boy is an unforgettable puppet.
So is this a parody? Evidently not! The puppeteer's name is David Nkrumah Liebe Hart and he looks something like this.
Apparently, the Junior Christian Science Bible Lesson Show is somewhat legendary amongst fans of Los Angeles public access television. The show has been teaching kids about UFOs and the dangers of drugs to kids since 1988. No word on how effective his show is at communicating this message, but it makes for entertaining television.
The video above is of a presumably fake exorcism done by a Candomble priest trying to save his client from the "Stone's curse" — whatever that is. I'm noticing a few elements I've found to be requisite with my own experiences.
Some time ago, I had a friend who was exorcised by Bob Larson — perhaps one of the most arrogant individuals I've ever met. His willingness to be exorcised by Mr. Larson, I believe, was because he himself had some personal problems and at the time it was easier to say demons were causing it rather than some other factors. One month after he had been "delivered", my friend wanted me to go to Mr. Larson's live meetings so I could find out myself about the authenticity of these exorcisms. Reluctantly, I agreed. That night is one of my more memorable experiences.
Sitting in the audience, I discovered folks who were actively looking to be exorcised. This wasn't like the movies where the demon-infested body wreaks havoc upon the innocent thereby forcing an exorcist to arrive. These people were looking to be cured of something. People with cancer were hoping to get the cancer-causing demons out of their bodies. Homosexuals were hoping to get their gay spirits out of them. Victims of rape or childhood trauma were hoping — literally — to cast out the evil in their lives.
One by one, an endless stream of raspy-voiced personalities from otherwise well-behaved folk would spew obscenities. Bob would threaten them with the power of the Bible. There would be shrieking and hollering and crying. Whatever could be said, Mr. Larson was a consummate showman and these people were putting on display before a live audience their innermost secrets.
After about an hour of this, Bob Larson with microphone in hand, before a crowd in which he could do no wrong, walked up to me. Why he walked up to me, I don't totally know but it seemed as though he wanted my opinion on things.
"Someone told me you're a skeptic. What do you think of everything now?" he asked.
"Well, I'm open-minded," I replied, "But things may not necessarily be as they seem."
"If you can't see with your eyes that all this is real, you're a bigger fool than you look," he retorted. The audience laughed. Red-faced, I was about to give him a piece of my mind but by that time, he moved on.
My story does not end there. After his big exorcism bash, an older lady approached me. Apparently, I had the demon of confusion living in me. I stood there stunned as she attempted an exorcism — not knowing how exactly to tell her that my opinion was not the result of an evil demon. Finally, after futilely realizing no demon was coming out, she asked simply if she could pray for me. I obliged simply so this whole embarrassing situation would end.
Herein lies my perspective on exorcism and why people seek it out and also how it can do great damage to an individual. Most times I've observed people want exorcism because they can't reconcile the traumatic circumstances of their life with who they actually are as a person. They don't believe they could have had a direct cause in their own personal crisis or that it is caused by natural inanimate factors. It's an evil external force that is creating these conditions and they have to confront this force.
Unfortunately, this perspective may be too simplistic. As was the case of the woman who sought to deliver me from the demon of confusion, she could not imagine that I could arrive at my own thoughts of my own accord. Since the truth of Bob Larson's work was so apparently true to her, how could I have ever thought otherwise except through the influence of a demon? I wasn't a person to relate to, I was a repository of devilish activity.
In the end, my experience with exorcism is an extreme example of what happens when people cease to interact with others as human beings and instead are problems to be solved. That, I believe, is a bloody shame.
Yahweh Ben Yahweh is a fellow who believes he is God — and I can hear the ominousness through his liberal use of capital letters and repetition of his name in Hebrew characters. Even more convincing in his claims of divinity is the shocking fact that, although he took a vow of poverty, his organization amassed $250 million through his direction. What a great guy.
Now if you are like me, you are probably one to dismiss him as a simple loon with an intriguing God complex. However, I have a strong feeling we may be dealing with a man with a very strong death wish.
The hostile assault upon The Nation of Yahweh was initiated by "words of war" currently found in the Project Megiddo report. The report was first issued by the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) in October 1999 for the supposed purpose of assessing possible acts of domestic terrorism that might be sparked by the turn of the new millennium.
Then he quotes words from Revelations thereby explaining that it shall come to pass that the government will wage war against his cult. With a persecution complex like that, this isn't so much a prophecy as it is an invitation. Pepper in the accusation that the Anti-Defamation League and the Southern Poverty Law Center are plotting against them, and we have more conspiracy theories than you can shake a tree with.
Beyond that, I'm really dying to see Yahweh Ben Yahweh and the Time Cube Guy have a battle royale. Yahweh ben Yahweh can have an electric pulse gun symbolizing his mighty divine power and "Dr." Gene Ray can be given an endless supply of cardboard boxes. Now you might think that Yahweh ben Yahweh has the cooler weapon, but "Dr." Gene Ray is the wisest man and will maximize his weapon upon the "dumbass" who believes himself to be a Jew.
In any case, the government seems to be plotting against both of them, so I'm looking forward to some Mel Gibson-style action.
I read a story from Rolling Stone magazine about BattleCry, a Christian crusade organization that is looking to get teenagers to "declare war" on secular culture. Nothing all that new under the sun, but there comes a point where one's eyes finally bulge out of the socket due to the absurdity of it all.
Later, one of Luce's PR reps takes me backstage to sift through the bins of rejected affections. Most kids mention music, movies, girlfriends and boyfriends, sex or, surprisingly often, just condoms, but a number of new warriors are oddly precise about their proposed abandonings. They cast into perdition Starbucks (multiple votes), Victoria's Secret (ditto; Luce encourages kids to confront the managers of lingerie stores), cereal (Special K and Cap'n Crunch), hip-huggers, "smelling amazing," "vengeance," "medication" and A&W root beer. "I would say it's ridiculous what they are doing to root beer," wrote the boy who will drink A&W no more.
Wow. Youth crusades inspired a kid to give up root beer. And while that may sound innocuous, as a former student of religion, I'd much rather kids give up sex than give up root beer. I know that sounds crazy, but whereas sex may induce disease and unwanted pregnancy, root beer is root beer. It is sugar water with a very unique flavour. In other words, if we've gotten to the point where root beer is a danger to "Christianity", how far can we really go?
Funny enough, I'd like to think of this blog as not being a political blog, but in many ways it is. I'm not espousing a conservative or liberal ideology. I'm simply asking for sanity. Christians, go ahead and be Christian. I'm not stopping you. In fact, I'm a Christian myself. But in your goal to follow your religion, perhaps it is wise to stay sane. Root beer is not your enemy. Condoms are not your enemy. Cease and desist from confronting Victoria Secret saleswoman as the enjoyment of sexuality is definitely not prohibited by the Bible.
In other words, what I'm saying is that you should take a look around you. The gay person you go to work with is not some theological problem to be worked out, but an actual person who probably has a lot of stuff going on in his mind, so if you could be kind, please do not share an opinion with him that is not invited. There is a time in which the cultural wars should cease being fought and you should listen — listening is not something that is valued these days.
Religion isn't about "war". Religion is about relating with God. Sometimes God wants you to open up a can of root beer and enjoy it.
This prayer antenna was invented so as to better communicate with God. In other words, all you got to do is strap your head to one of these helmets while you're in the midst of prayer, and your thoughts will be broadcast more powerfully back and forth towards the Almighty. Do note that this helmet doesn't come with just one antenna, but many antennas so that one can access the omnipresent more readily.
The Prayer Antenna is part of a series of Religious Technological Artifacts that I am making. The Antenna receives signals from God (yes, your God). The Antenna currently takes the form of a surplus / thrift-store motor-cycle helmet (or similar) that is ornately ordained and fitted with sufficient technology to receive signals. The helmet bristles like a porcupine with many different antennas. The visor is blacked out. Integrated headphones allow the worshipper to experience the signals. Sufficient controls allow the worshipper to tune the signals. The helmet is mounted to the wall on an ornate arm (at around waist level) and a small kneeling stool is provided (like a prayer kneeler). To use the Antenna the worshipper must kneel on the stool and inset their head into the helmet. The wall and surrounding are painted with a decorative pattern.
While I don't think this is quite what organized religion has in mind when it comes to prayer, I still want one. Sure, I doubt the effectiveness, but it's about time religion took advantage of the wonders of cyberspace. While I've been enjoying broadband internet access for quite some time, I think broadband with God would really be where's it's at. I bet God would do better than some crappy flash site.
This here is Pope Michael I being interviewed by Dutch television journalists at his Kansas porch. The juxtaposition of this picture endlessly intrigues me. You see, Pope Michael is of the belief that modern popes are imposters. Now I'm by no means a Catholic, but his charges against the current leaders of Catholicism are amusing, to say the least.
He also has condemned Pope John Paul II's supposed association with pornography, specifically the appearance of "immodestly clad" acrobats at a performance in the Paul VI Hall in the Vatican and the presence of "half-naked natives" at some of Pope John Paul II's masses in Papua New Guinea.
The irony is spectacular, as it is common knowledge that many Catholic icons feature an "immodestly" clad Jesus. Let us not forget that many Renaissance artworks were commissioned by the Vatican — and they featured many immodestly clad individuals. Don't ask why I'm pointing out Pope Michael's inconsistencies.
Seriously, is this the best pope Kansas has to offer?
I originally found this at the official Threat Alert Jesus website. This is satire, but you know what? If marketed correctly, this product could be a hit. I mean, it comes with a free Bible, for goodness sakes.
I don't meet too many individuals like this in part because I live in Canada where there isn't such a culture of fear. Of course, I don't think the tragedy here is religion, but how religion propogates fear. At this point, it isn't about terrorism. It is about protecting us from "them".
And this is why you should buy Threat Alert Jesus.
Who is Zelph? Only the greatest American to ever walk the planet. Joseph Smith identified him as a kickass white Lamanite prophet warrior who unfortunately came to a bitter end when an arrow went through his ribs. Nobody would have heard of him if Zion's Camp didn't come upon his bones on top of a hill. Still, he's only spoken of as a minor figure within Mormon history.
Until now, that is. As it happens, Josh Anderson had a dream wherein, after lopping off some Nephite guy's head, Zelph told him to go find his plates. This is explained in great detail in his testimony.
After reading the Book of Zelph in great detail, I've come away convinced it is absolutely true. At first, I had my doubts. But then, after careful prayer, I came upon this verse:
"And I promise thee that if ye ask if this book be not true, and roll a pair of dice with a sincere heart, and desire exceedingly for the book to be true, yea, the dice shall reveal the truthfulness of this book unto thee." - Melph 5:4
And it came to pass, after I rolled a seven, that I could not deny the truth of the Book of Zelph. You see, although archaeology and DNA evidence appear to disprove the Book of Mormon, it is not quite so easy with the Book of Zelph. Sure, science may have its gizmos, gadgets, and "theories". Yet I do not see how science can explain how I rolled a seven. It doesn't make sense. Therefore, the Book of Zelph must be true.
