Fetus Soap

Under the tagline "What's more pure than fetus?!" some retailer associated with Yahoo is selling fetus-shaped soap. One slab of soap costs $6.00. If you make an order worth $50 or more, shipping is free. As you can see, some models are out of stock.

In these politicized times, it is sad that this novelty is considered "edgy". One can go to a farmer's market and buy newborn-shaped soap. But why is it, that when one sells novelties inspired by unborn babies, this is considered bad taste? It seems fetuses, unless used for political purposes, are strictly off limits.

And I am sure the maker of this fetus soap created it in order to be outrageous. Fair enough. But if such a novelty offends you, why does it? Why must we always equate fetuses with abortions?

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A Drunken David Hasselhoff Eats a Hamburger

I admit that I didn't expect this. Afterall, this is David Hasselhoff we're talking about. This is the Night Rider. This is Mr. Baywatch. The guy who did a cameo on Spongebob. And I feel bad for him.

Yet, I can't help but look. It's not so much that he's drunk. I've been drunk a few times myself. Last New Year's I was praying to the Porcelain Goddess and hoping to God I would spew out some of the alcohol from my mouth because I knew if I didn't, I was going to die. So I can relate to Mr. Hasselhoff, I really can.

It's the burger that gets me. It's a Wendy's burger, as he mentioned. He can barely eat it, but he gives it a valiant attempt. Frankly, I don't know how he gets the burger in his mouth. Each bit of beefy texture barely makes its way into his mouth as he vaguely aims it toward his face. It's unbelievable how he can barely talk yet he can still manage to chomp on that thing.

David Hasselhoff should secure promotional rights based on this performance. "Wendy's: So Good It Manages to Get Inside My Mouth". I'm sure, apart from the bad taste, the commercial would be a hit. We'd have Hasselhoff's smiling mug next to jug of Colt .45 and a Bacon Junior Cheeseburger.

In fact, based upon this wonderful snippet, I'm going to Wendy's right now.

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Now You Can Buy a Piece of Pi

It's a stupid marketing gimmick, but it's an effective one. The genius of My Slice of Pi is that you are paying for a value that is valueless that goes on infinitely. In short, it's the kind of thing every accountant wishes he thought of doing.

The idea is simple: every person is given the chance to claim a digit in pi. All he has to do is buy the value of the digit that is up for sale. For instance, the 84th digit is up for sale. Since it is "2", you can by this number for $2. The number after that is "8" and is valued as $8. So on and so forth, ad infinitum.

So what do you get in return? The ability to associate whatever you want with that number. You can promote your website, offer words of advice, post your resume. As I said before, the value is entirely intangible and based upon an idea.

While this is a gimmick, it is a perfect gimmick — and perhaps someone such as I will make use of it.

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Sunflower Seeds Loaded with Caffeine

For those of you who are not content to simply eat nuts, I present to you something a lot more "EXTREME!!!". SumSeeds is a brand of sunflower seeds enfused with such energy boosters as taurine, lysine, and ginseng. And, as I already implied, its got swathes of caffeine in it.

In other words, this is the sunflower version of Red Bull. So if you were ever wondering how nuts are able to survive the goodness of a 350ml can of energy drink, look no further. SumSeeds will make you "feel the need" — the need to chew and be energized at the same time!

Now you're probably asking, "Who would buy this thing?" I can think of a few folks. Gardeners, baseball pitchers, and ravers with a taste for seeds. Really, the potential is limitless.

But can it get better than this? It sure can! If you buy a case today, you will receive a free t-shirt! And who here isn't in favour of a free t-shirt — one that will broadcast to the world your love for the merging caffeine and sunflower seeds.

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Bottled Oxygen - Now With Flavour!

With bottled water now a $9 billion industry, it was just a matter of time before someone was to grab a hold of another free commodity and convince the world to pay for it. Witness now bottled oxygen.

Now, I still have some faith in humankind and believe people would not spend their hard-earned dollars on something they get for free. The oxygen bar at my local mall closed down recently — and they should have. They were charging $10 for ten minutes of "pure" oxygen. I am outraged they got away with it for so long.

I also know, though, that fear is an obvious factor. For this to work, you have to make people doubtful about the air around them. You got to tell them that pollution is so bad, the only way to save their health is by using bottled oxygen. So what if the science is dubious? If you repeat everything enough times, people will believe you.

Then after working everyone into a frenzy, you got to offer them something real air can't offer you: flavour. Tell your customer that there is an exciting array of flavours available to make your consumption of air more thrilling. There's eucalyptus, lemon, cherry, and peppermint. Now that your customer is distrustful of the very air he breathes, you do one better by telling him that regular air cannot compensate for the enjoyment of bottled air.

Now, I realize you think this is ridiculous. People are not that gullible, that stupid, that easily manipulated. Perhaps you are right. One company, though, is betting millions of dollars that you are wrong.

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Long Live Creative Advertising

I hate looking at ads. They are mind-numbing, banal, and noisy. Most of the time, the message advertisers are trying to get out to me become eclipsed by their sheer genericism. There's nothing engaging about them, they are simply in my face.

However, I don't hate advertising. I may actually go out of my way to look at an ad if it is creative enough. You may ask me to define "creative", but I know it when I see it. For instance, the ad above is creative. Not only is it functional, but it serves a dual purpose: it informs you about the watch and let's you "try" it on.

To me, advertising does not necessarily have to be manipulative. If it engages my sense of aesthetics, my appreciation of sheer cleverness, my thirst for design, not only will I like it, I will seek it out and broadcast it to my friends. In other words, I'm asking for advertisers to treat me with respect, not assume I am a mere consumer, and realize that I want to be provoked on a human level.

I'm not looking for sincerity or "keeping it real". I'm just looking for a creative message to match a creative product.

Robot Commits Suicide by Drinking Coca-Cola

This is pretty cool. This robot searches out puddles of Coca-Cola on the floor, sips it up, and then kills itself from the acid in the soda — destroying its own circuitry. I, myself, would think this would be pretty cool to see.

As a project unto itself, I think it is neat all on its own. It doesn't need to be any "deeper" than it already is. Unfortunately, the robot's creator is of a different opinion.

In this artwork, the routine destruction we do to our bodies, mitigated through corporate mass media, is comically expressed through a robot named C3 . . . Companies such as Coca Cola deploy marketing strategies that completely infuse our culture with a sense of well being and elevated self worth that contradicts the actual benefits of the consumable product.

SWAMP-Coke Is It

Okay, drinking Coca-Cola is not the best thing for your body. We get it. However, if people want Coca-Cola, why shouldn't Coca-Cola make money on people's demand? Marketing does not doom people to buy one's product. Just look at the company who made Twinkies, for instance. It went bankrupt, despite being an institution.

Despite my view that I think the creator of this project is out to lunch, I still think the sheer coolness of the robot speaks for itself. A self destructive robot with a penchant for Coca Cola is something that is worth seeing. I want one.

Toilets for Fat People

Yes, I know the title of this post is politically incorrect. Perhaps a better description would be "overweight", or "BBW", or "vertically enhanced" — something of that ilk. However, I feel all politcal incorrectness goes out the window when the toilet company's name is Big John Toilet Co. I mean, what can be more obnoxiously, wittily descriptive than that name?

I'm not knocking fat people. I'm pretty much betting that in twenty years, I'm going to be fat. If anything, I'm making a mental note to my future fat self to buy a toilet from Big John.

Beyond that, though, I give kudos to Big John for recognizing a heretofore untapped market. Seats in movie theatres have gotten larger. More and more boutiques specialize in fashion for "plus size" women. Toilets sound like a more pressing need — much to the relief (har har) of fat people everywhere.

A regular toilet has a terribly small seat. This creates very uncomfortable pressure points, consequently producing numbness in the legs and thighs from lack of proper blood flow.

Why Buy a GJ Toilet

With the obesity rate amongst North Americans reaching record rates, Big John might not be such a niche. In a couple of years, all toilets might be shaped this way. It is simplistic to simply say, "Lose some weight". But before then, fat people are still going to have to go to the bathroom.

Cock O' The Walk

Today, this commercial would be considered in bad taste, but I do not doubt its effectiveness when it was first developed.

It features two fat identical twins dancing and a glum nerd eating peaches. The kicker is that the name of the product is "Cock O' The Walk". That guy seems to really enjoy the co... erm, I'm peaches.