60s Era Anti-Pornography Propaganda Film

George Putnam seems to know a lot about porn. If, as this film purports, one becomes a pervert upon seeing pornography — and therefore unable to see sex as a "normal" person — his mind must be infected! Also, it seems like these filmmakers must have sifted through a lot of porn. They knew just where to strategically place those bars. Or they must have been wearing some special radiation glasses to protect their eyes from the virus that is pornography.

But what I'm mostly interested in is the teenage flagrant abuses of the God-given gift of sex. Tell me, what kind of porn were they producing in the 60s? Either that, or I must have missed out on one hell of a good time during my teenage years.

Yet another question: what's with the fixation on the "breast fetish"? I mean, was it common amongst men of yesteryear to go after A-cupped cuties?

But the best part is when he speaks about the "strange cult of flagellation" and the "sexual problems of the masochist". In particular, Mr Putnam seems quite offended about the "worship of the whip". To this, I ask, if the masochist worshipped Jesus instead and called it Christian domestic discipline would he feel a little better about the whole thing?

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Exploding a Dead Whale with Dynamite

In 1970, a sperm whale washed up on the beach of Oregon. State Troopers didn't know what to do, so they simply decided to load the whale with 20 cases of dynamite and let 'em rip. Thankfully, this was caught on tape.

The most hilarious aspect of this explosion was the whale debris that made its way through the air. Certainly, it wouldn't have been so funny if someone got killed by a flying piece of whale blubber, but to damage a car? I defy you to not think that is funny.

Via Neatorama

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The Horniest Man of the Victorian Era

The man you see above is Jonty Selman-Troytt. He may seem like a pretty benign character, but you are looking at a man who fathered 97 children. He was pretty serious about it too, wanting to commence relations with his wife immediately after she bore him a baby — and would have too if he wasn't wrestled to the ground by the physician (just as he was cutting the umbilical cord).

More amusingly, he felt it was his duty to engage in trysts. And I doubt there are many men who share the extent of his enthusiasm.

Jonty eschewed the use of any form of contraception, maintaining that it was 'the work of the devil to contain any man's life-juice within a bag' and that 'women were designed to be filled. Anyone can see that.' After copulation he insisted that all partners should lie prone for a period of twelve hours to 'increase the chance of fertilising my seed'

His greatest ambition was to impregnate Marie Stopes - the birth control campaigner - whom he referred to as 'a perfect vessel in need of filling.' Although he was never successful she was so impressed by his obsessive persistence that she marked every 100 repetitions of his invitation to 'gouge your verdant valley with my rough, pointed glacier' with a congratulatory medal which Jonty displayed proudly thereafter.

Voracious sexual appetite in Victorian era

There are many men who are known for their promiscuousness. Wilt Chamberlain, for instance. What sets Jonty apart from every other man, though, is his sheer colourful language. It's not just a case of confidence, it's a case of obsession — he was obsessed with "filling" women.

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Best Lawyer Bio Ever!

This guy has to be a good lawyer. It's enough to be creative when penning such a biography, but to have the audacity to put it up as your "official" biography takes balls. It makes me think, "If this guy has so much chutzpah on his company website, what is he like in a courtroom?"

Kevin, a Shareholder practicing in Otten Johnson's real estate group, was raised by penguins following a childhood boating accident. He graduated magna cum laude from Colby College, where he learned that not all issues can be reduced to black or white. He received his law degree from Boston University, which he attended on a full football scholarship through an administrative error. Thereafter, he worked for four years as an associate at a large law firm in New York, where he once rode an elevator to the top of the Empire State Building. He lectures frequently to his children on a variety of subjects. He enjoys swimming and fishing, despite the painful memories.

::Otten Johnson Robinson Neff + Ragonetti::

And if this isn't enough to convince of have his amazing lawyering skill, let it be known that he is an avid indoorsman who is skilled at writing non-rhyming freeverse limericks. In short, that means he is comfortable behind the bench and is comfortable with mountains of documentation. He could be the Picasso of the real estate law world.

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Sign: FBI -- Stop Raping My Wife!

I don't need to explain why the guy holding up this sign is batshit insane. If you don't know why he is batshit insane, then you yourself must be batshit insane — because this picture is the definition of "batshit insane".

If I were FBI agent Chris Saviano (assuming he exists), I'd be royally pissed. It's one thing to be accused of rape, it's another thing to be accused of raping a woman over and over. I mean, what are the chances that some married woman would be so distraught over her repeated rapings by the same man that her only course of action would be to get her husband to hold up a sign in public — in a black suit no less just so we know he means business?

Of course, another perspective on this is that Chris Saviano is such a brilliant rapist, he wants us to think this sign holder is batshit insane. It's all part of his master plan. You see, once we all think that the husband is batshit insane, we'll send him off to an institution. Then Chris Saviano will be able to make even more rapings.

Of course, if a woman keeps waiting for her rapist to arrive, takes no legal action herself, and does not do any protesting herself — is it really rape?

Source: Strange Pictures

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I Want to be a Bitter Asian Man

Dear Bitter Asian Men (BAM). I want to be a BAM too. The other day I was watching Dragon Ball Z (DBZ, and I was thinking being Asian would be cool! First of all, I could fly and kick ass, like they do in DBZ, and movies like Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. Secondly I could be all stoic, and bad ass, like Kenshin. I want to be just like Kenshin, because he can kick anybodies ass he wants. If I were a badass asian like Kenshin, all the bitches would want me, because I could kick so much ass. I mean as it is they all want a piece of me, and all I do all day is watch sports and drink beer. I can only imagine how many more girls I could get if I could totally kick ass. I could imagine me at a bar, and I see a hot chick, I want to bend over, but she's with a guy. Today I'd just have to give up and settle for some other girl, but if I were asian, I could take offence at the way he looked at me, and take him out back and beat him up. Then I could take her home. Man being an Asian would be sweet!

Also I could imagine going to buisness meetings (I'm a buisness major now) and having everybody there know how smart I am, because I'm an asian. Also girls would want me to help them with their math homework, which is an instant in to their bedrooms which is half way into their panties. Man being an Asian would kick ass! Just thinking about it gets me excited! WOOOOO!

As an addendum, I would like to state that Asian men are awesome because they breed like rabbits. What this essentially means is that there will forever be an endless supply of Asian women for which we Whities can sink our teeth into. So, on behalf of the many non-asians who have the yellow fever, keep up the good work. We count on you Asian men to keep churning out some progeny.

Source

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Nintendo Amusement Park

Did I ever tell you how much I love Nintendo? I absolutely do. Only after working for one of their competitors and realizing how much I don't like "hardcore" gaming did I realize exactly what Nintendo offers — the ability to play for fifteen minutes or for hours. In my possession, I have both a DS and a Wii and, for the moment, the DS is where it's at. My current favourite is Hotel Dusk which is pretty much a visual novel with a noir bent.

Anyway, I think this particular idea is neat but it is implemented very poorly. Nintendo Amusement Park purports to offer you a real life video game equivalency. That is to say, the ability to simulate gaming through real life. It's just a Mario-themed obstacle course.

The other thing I should mention is that I don't believe video game amusement parks really work in this day and age. Where is Chuck E. Cheese? Where's SEGA's old amusement parks? For that matter, whatever happened to arcades?

I gave them points for creating this amusing video, though.

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Ugly People Dating Service

To those who don't get it, Ugly People Dating Service is obviously a joke. A good one at that, if you are one to brave the pop-ups. The best profile is that ugly girl known as Pat Buchanan.

AGE: 42

OCCUPATION: Bouncer at a biker bar
(But I also moonlight as a dominatrix.)

ABOUT MYSELF:
I can bench press 250 pounds. After being thrown off the Olympic arm wrestling team, because my urine tested positive for horse steroids, I worked at a carnival for a while and spend a few years in prison for manslaughter.

Ugly People Dating Service » Pat Buchanan

Oh Pat, you're such a card! But don't worry, I am sure you will find a willing man who wants to be dominated by you.

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Scott Towels: Against Bathrooms Breeding Bolshevism

Whew! I'm glad Scott Towels cleared that up for me! I was beginning to think that paper towels and Communism had nothing to do with each other. Now I know that cheap bathroom supplies breeds ungratefulness towards our capitalist overlords. Next time someone comes over, I will be sure to make my bathroom inspire an entrepreneurial mindset.

But I do have a question. Do all Bolsheviks have moustaches? And is this to mask their evil smirk? One thing I will know for next time: if I meet a man with a moustache in a bathroom I will kill him on the spot. I wouldn't want him to spread wrongful ideas.

Thanks to Scott Towels for educating me on a topic I knew little about!

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"I'm Jewish, Can I Join the Klan?"

I'm in the same boat as this guy. My mother is Jewish, but I don't feel very Jewish at all. In fact, for my whole life, except for a brief spell in an Orthodox yeshiva, I've always identified myself as "White". Funny, for all intents and purposes, I don't think Jews would regard me as Jewish. I am currently a practicing Protestant.

Tell this to the Klu Klux Klan, though. They won't have me as a member even though, if I were to have a child with a "shiksa", he'd be hypothetically allowed to join. No matter how un-Jewish I feel, though, the KKK are here to remind me that I'm still part of that club.

It would be cool if all these extremist organizations were right about the Jews' all-pervading power. Then I wouldn't have to work my crappy job. I'd be a banker manipulating the stock market to make myself more rich but nobody would know that since I am distracting everyone through the power of Hollywood. How awesome would that be if it were to occur?

Maybe not for you guys, but for me.

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Agitated Senior

Dennis the Menace should have slipped Thorazine into Mr. Wilson's lemonade. If he did that, though, we'd no longer have an interesting comic. So for the benefit of all, Thorazine thankfully never made it into comic book land.

Thorazine, by the way, has an interesting history. It is considered the penicillin of antipsychotics. At one point, 100 million people were prescribed it and it was responsible for the downsizing of many psychiatric hospitals. It has since fallen out of favour as there are many neuroleptics that have milder side effects.

Still, this ad is amusing since it could be regarded as too ageist to some and too absurd to be taken seriously by others. Perhaps this is a sign that we live in a far more extreme time than the 1950s. Still, I fully intend to blow up this ad and put it in my room.

Via Weirdomatic

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What Happens When Fundamentalists Get Into BDSM?

Pray tell, what shall you do if you are a fundamentalist Christian who is into BDSM? Well, you change the terminology and call it "Christian Domestic Discipline". Thereafter, you declare this as an "enhancement" for your traditional marriage.

As is expected, someone has spent a great deal of time and effort building a website dedicated to Christian Domestic Discipline. The webmaster is Leah Kelley and she declares herself to be virulently anti-feminist. Not only is she proudly submissive, she declares this is God's plan.

A Christian Domestic Discipline marriage is one that is set up according to Biblical standards; that is, the husband is the authority in the household. The wife is submissive to her husband as is fit in the Lord and her husband loves her as himself. He has the ultimate authority in his household, but it is tempered with the knowledge that he must answer to God for his actions and decisions. He has the authority to spank his wife for punishment, but in real CDD marriages this is taken very seriously and usually happens only rarely. CDD is so much more than just spanking. It is the husband loving the wife enough to guide and teach her, and the wife loving the husband enough to follow his leadership. A Christian marriage embodies true romance and a Christian man a true hero.

Christian Domestic Discipline - Loving Wife Spanking in a Christian Marriage - About CDD

In other words, since the spanking is consensual, she is talking about BDSM. I theorize that she is uncomfortable being associated with an "alternative lifestyle" therefore feels the need to couch her relationship in religious terminology and decorate her site with Bibles, roses, and wedding rings. However, once you let the proverbial cat out of the bag, everything comes unloosed. Despite her deep religiosity, much of her website is (at the very least) R-rated.

I mean, she even sells her own BDSM/CDD gear. The picture above is from her set of crotchless pantaloons. She calls the colour "demure white". Clearly, this isn't just a woman who's put a lot of thought into her submissive relationship, she's seeking to profit from it too — and she probably has a clientele.

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TV-B-Gone: The Universal Remote for Turning Off Any Television

File this under "I wish I thought of that". TV-B-Gone is an idea so absolutely simple I feel a sense of shame I didn't patent the idea. All you have to do is point it at any television, and it will turn off.

This makes for a stellar prank and I remember a Mr. Steve Wozniak who invented a device similar to this. If my memory proves me correct, I recall he invented it before the advent of the universal remote (which he also pioneered too). Hide one of these puppies in your pocket and which the social chaos that happens.

They do make a good point, though, about why television shouldn't be watched.

Q. Why would one want to live without TV?

A. Because watching TV takes time, and time is precious. There are so many things to do that are fun, healthy, relaxing, and good for your social life! Some people find themselves watching TV when they don't really want to. Have you ever found yourself doing this?

TV-B-Gone is here!

Yeah, there's nothing good to watch on television. When I had more than basic cable, I really enjoyed the Comedy Network and the Discovery Channel, but now I just turn it on so I could have some noise. But I could live without it.

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Fascists On Mars!

Looks like I'm breaking this to the English-speaking world: I am unable to find any subtitled versions and it seems only Italians know about this. Take solace, though. The comedy in Fascists On Mars is quite physical and the facial expressions communicate much of what is going on. This is, afterall, Il Duce and a bunch of his riff raff imposing their wills on Mars.

It is fitting that Italians were the ones who made this. After Mussolini was shot, they made sure to hang him upside down by his toes with meat hooks. So why not mock him even further in death? It sounds like a delightful proposition to my Jewish mother.

I believe there are five more episodes of Fascists On Mars. As was the case with the Soviet Winnie the Pooh, if anyone knows where I can find a subtitled version, let me know and I will replace this with a subtitled version. I believe, very strongly, that this comedy has universal appeal.

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The Official Website of America

Even I, a Canadian, feel pretty American when I visit The Offical Website of America. I feel pretty damn patriotic too. It is here, with the star-spangled banner waving loudly in the background, that one realizes what a kickass place the United States of America is.

With a "Born in the USA" MIDI playing proudly, the casual web surfer understands — finally — what there is to love about America. In this order, this is what makes USA so great:

1. FREEDOM!
   
2. Liberty
   
3. Justice
   
4. George Washington
   
5. Hamburger
   
6. Baseball
   
7. Abe Lincoln
   
8. Grand Canyon
   
9. Friendly People
   
10. Andrew Jackson

If that's not enough to convince you of the sheer awesome magnitude of the nation that names itself not after just one continent, but two continents that other countries happen to reside in, maybe this animated GIF will change your mind.

Now, if you don't mind, I feel the need to buy a coonskin hat, eat some beef jerky, and drive a pick-up truck. I feel this urge because of the monstrous power of the bald-headed eagle pulsating through my veins. That, and a real need to get myself to Wal-Mart soon.

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Bill Cosby Sings the Beatles

Bill Cosby has given us so much: Fat Albert, Jell-O, and the greatest 80s sitcom ever. He also taught us the importance of a-bippin' and a-boppin'. I submit — and I do so with all my mortal authority — that the greatest gift Cos bestowed upon this planet is Hooray for the Salvation Army Band!

Here Mr. Cosby "sings" with all his might through 12 fantastic melodies of memorable 60s Rock and Roll. I don't know if he was serious. I don't care. With Cosby's deliverance, there's nothing quite like it. This is pure 100% vintage Cosby.

And I have you here two samples from this glorious album: Satisfaction and Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. And while Satisfaction has the charm of being nowhere near the original song, my favourite is the latter. He's not quite singing here, but his voice goes well with trumpet flourish. I'm hooked.

Plus, how can you resist the album cover? It's got Cosby with a cigar, parted hair, and a tie with no shirt on. This is epic.

Via Frank's Vinyl Cafe

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Finally, a Dating Site for Your Dog!

One of the great laws of the internet is, "If you can think about it, someone has already done it." This is true especially in regards to sex. So imagine my shock and awe when I discovered that there hasn't been an online dating site for pets until now! That's right, Pet Palio has finally filled this niche.

It looks like they are off with a bang. Whoever has created this site has already enlisted Greenpeace as an advertiser. Check out this sweet ad in the About page.

Pretty cool, eh?

After looking though all the profiles, it looks to me like most them are pranksters — for example, this fellow who's looking for a gay chihuahua. But that will likely change as word quickly spreads. (My favourite feature, of coure, is the ability to PM another animal).

One other thing I'm curious about is whether one is able to match a dog with a cat. Indeed, is interspecies mating frowned upon at Pet Palio?

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The Ultimate Ironic Suicide Story

Don Harper Mills actually made up this story. Therefore, do not go about the internet claiming this is true. But it should be true because it is so good.

At the 1994 annual awards dinner given by the American Association for Forensic Sciences, AAFS President Don Harper Mills astounded his audience in San Diego with the legal complications of a bizarre death. Here is the story...

On March 23 the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from a gunshot wound of the head caused by a shotgun. Investigation to that point had revealed that the decedent had jumped from the top of a ten story building with the intent to commit suicide. (He left a note indicating his despondency.) As he passed the 9th floor on the way down, his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast through a window, killing him instantly. Neither the shooter nor the decedent was aware that a safety net had been erected at the 8th floor level to protect some window washers, and that the decedent would not have been able to complete his intent to commit suicide because of this...

Ordinarily a person who starts into motion the events with a suicide intent ultimately commits suicide even though the mechanism might be not what he intended. That he was shot on the way to certain death nine stories below probably would not change his mode of death from suicide to homicide, but the fact that his suicide intent would not have been achieved under any circumstance caused the medical examiner to feel that he had homicide on his hands...

Further investigation led to the discovery that the room on the 9th floor from whence the shotgun blast emanated was occupied by an elderly man and his wife. He was threatening her with the shotgun because of an interspousal spat and became so upset that he could not hold the shotgun straight. Therefore, when he pulled the trigger, he completely missed his wife, and the pellets went through the window, striking the decedent.

When one intends to kill subject A, but kills subject B in the attempt, one is guilty of the murder of subject B. The old man was confronted with this conclusion, but both he and his wife were adamant in stating that neither knew that the shotgun was loaded. It was the longtime habit of the old man to threaten his wife with an unloaded shotgun. He had no intent to murder her; therefore, the killing of the decedent appeared then to be accident. That is, the gun had been accidentally loaded...

But further investigation turned up a witness that their son was seen loading the shotgun approximately six weeks prior to the fatal accident. That investigation showed that the mother (the old lady) had cut off her son's financial support, and her son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that the father would shoot his mother. The case now becomes one of murder on the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus...

Further investigation revealed that the son became increasingly despondent over the failure of his attempt to get his mother murdered. This led him to jump off the ten story building on March 23, only to be killed by a shotgun blast through a 9th story window.

The medical examiner closed the case as a suicide.

Call it karma or the wrath of God. Whatever the case, one must agree this story delivers a delicious sense of justice whereby the would-be murderer is served by his own bullet. Add the intent for suicide, and this story is especially delicious.

Which is why, in the end, I wish it were to true.

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Molotov Cocktail Toy For Kids

Well, they have toy machine guns, so why not a toy molotov cocktail too? The last time I played Russians and Finns, one of the things I kept asking myself was, "If only I had the toy molotov cocktail to go with my toy skis!"

The subtitle "tank buster" is the real winner here. I think the marketers were trying to capture the child with an anarchist bent. Screw that Fascist government and their trained military! They shall see the wrath of my home-brewed weapons. Then chaos would ensue as children finish off a game of "Stop the WTO"!

In short, this is the perfect toy for that kid who still likes to play with toy guns but wants to have a good cause to go with his playtime.

Via Truly Awful Stuff

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Horned Grandma

Just another thing to give kids to watch if they start complaining that you're not as cool as Grandma. Sure, Grandma may give you some cookies and let you stay up later, but what you do not know is her dirty secret. She has a long, curvaceous horn growing out of her forehead to further enunciate her evil.

But do not be afraid of the horn. Without that horn, you wouldn't have been born. So go on. Give her a kiss.

If you do not give her a kiss, though, you shall face her wrath. She shall destroy you with her fiery gaze and morph into something more insidious. In the end, this isn't so much about the horn as it is about the power derived from the horn and the great evil thereof.

Still think Grandma is cool?

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