Billboards for Abstinence

AbstinenceFeelsGood.com is a website that has enacted a campaign encouraging teens to keep their clothes on and their hormones in check. There's nothing wrong with abstinence. It's the easiest way to keep teens from pregnancies and STDs. I think an ad campaign in and of itself is not a bad idea.

What I do strongly criticize is the guilt and mistruths the ads try to implant in others. "It feels good to have a good reputation" is one of the slogans. Yeah, only because society tells women that their sexual desires are "irreputable". Do you know how many women I meet who are unable to reconcile their naturally occurring feelings with "sluttiness"? Thank you ad folks with just reinforcing that.

Another one is "It feels good to know my boyfriend love me for more than just my body." How naive. When you interact with a woman on a personal level it is impossible to see her as a sperm repository. I'm talking about teenage boys too. While sex by itself can simply be a primal urge, I can guarantee that if a boy is spending a vast portion of his time with a girl, it's not just because of her body — although that could be a huge factor.

In other words, with their one sentence slogans, the ads succeed at reducing everything, instilling fear, and causing girls to loathe a very natural part of themselves. How very Macchiavellian.

Your Ad Here

"Offensive" Fruit Crate Label Art of Yesteryear

I use the word "offensive" on a more encompassing sense than usual. What I really mean is that these labels, through time, have become unmarketable. Indeed, using labels such as these will doom a company to bankruptcy. I will point out why.




The only head lettuce that stops male itch, I imagine Gold Bond to have tingled upon ingestion. When I was a young 'un, my friends and I would get together for Gold Bond parties. These parties had nothing to do with lettuce. Rather, we used that other Gold Bond — the one that contained menthol and zinc oxide as ingredients. For good reason, we had our own slogan for Gold Bond. "It is Halls for your balls," we'd say. Upon application, each one of us would feel a cooling sensation before we were rendered immobile by an intense numbing.

You see, I don't think anyone could be too enthusiastic about adding Gold Bond to their salad.




That boy there is Gay Johnny. He is from the ranch where cowboys abound. In an age where Brokeback Mountain can win an Academy Award, homosexuality is not as controversial as it once was. Little gay boys named Johnny will not sell vegetables, though. I think you know why.




Ah, back in the day when racism could sell sweet potatoes. Here a down and out Black man from Louisiana is dooming himself to more abject poverty through the role of the dice. I imagine these potatoes to be quite popular amongst the Klan. And what is the brand of potatoes? "Don't Cry". It's as if Irvin Wimberly, packer and shipper, is trying to say something.

Most Racist Ad Ever

First of all, how did a bunch of racists raise enough money to create this pathetic ad? Yes, I said this ad is pathetic. A whole bunch of white people may be smiling and cuddling children in this ad, but you know they're itching to burn down some crosses. The music may be silky smooth, and the voiceover may be calming, yet I know they are absolutely chomping at the bit to blow a Black person's face off if they could.

National Vanguard have successfully created the most racist advertisement ever. Who the hell gives them the right to speak for "White" America? I know I don't need their faux "news" to tell me how to think. Life is good for me. I go to work. I come home. I make friends. Some of those friends are not "white". Do note the quotation marks are not by accident, as I cannot think of any more retarded reason to hate someone than skin pigment.

Regardless, if you need any evidence on the moral and intellectual ineptitude of American racism, watch this ad. I, for one, hope this was never broadcast on any television stations. If it was, do the right thing and make a complaint.

How the Florida Citrus Commission Destroyed Family Values

Plan59 has created a gallery of Demonic Tots and Deeply Disturbing Cuisine. Every picture is advertising evilness that is designed to tempt you towards either gorging yourself on piles of food or provoking you towards becoming a chainsaw murderer.

The reason why I chose to showcase the fellow above is because of the flirtatious nature of the picture. It's as though the boy is trying to say, "Drink some orange juice and you will magically join Satan's minions of Gene Simmons lookalikes".

Is this the Florida Citrus Commission's attempt to undermine Christianity? I think so.