Child Rapper Wants You to Know Mother Nature's Crying

Unlike other child pop stars, Lil Peppi actually has talent. Maybe he's not a prodigy, but definitely can rap better than me. It's to bad his father is managing him because this everything but his rapping is pretty awful.

Everything about this operation screams, "father is trying to live vicariously". It was Lil Peppi's father, afterall, that shot this music video. From the looks of it, he also wroter the bio on Lil Peppi's website.

Like most kids, I love school and I hope to go to college one day and attend the University of Miami, GO CANES! I Spend most of my time reading adventure stories, writing short stories, writing lyrics, playing playstation2, skateboarding, and of course doing music.

Lil Peppi, Peppi - ABOUT ME

Yeah, right. Most kids like school. Because we all know American public schools are overburdened with eight-year-old boys who can't wait to do their homework.

Now there is a time when parents must realize that if their children are talented, they must let nature take its course. Let the child do his own thing — with dad's encouragement. Don't force the outcome.

Besides, if daddy was a good rapper, he would have produced this golden turd of a video.

Customer Reviews of Latawnya, the Naughty Horse

Doubtlessly, may of you have become aware of Latawnya, the Naughty Horse, Learns to Say "No" to Drugs — the children's book that features smoking, drinking, and overdosing horses. Since this story was uploaded on Something Awful, it seems one of the side effects are the reviews to be found about it on Amazon.com. It seems that many have been so touched by Latawnya's story that some abusers have finally given up drugs and some parents are now able to finally speak to their children about the dangers of narcotics.

It seems the imagery of horses is able help open peoples eyes to the dangers of drugs. Metaphors will do that to you. Take, for instance, this review.

As a responsible parent I often worry about my kids smoking drugs and drinking alcohol. I find it very difficult to discuss these topics frankly with my children, but this book has given me a way to approach them in a way kids can understand. By using the imagery of horses, Mrs. Gibson manages to evoke a fear of drugs that will hopefully make my children turn away from them without experimenting in any way shape or form. I can only hope Mrs. Gibson creates another book in which I can inform my children about the dangers of pre-marital sex.

Amazon.com: Reviews for Latawnya, the Naughty Horse, Learns to Say "No" to Drugs: Books: Sylvia S. Gibson

Echoing that sentiment, I believe a sequel highlighting the dangers of premarital sex. Author Sylvia Scott Gibson is an idea machine who, in addition to writing this superb book, is also an inventor. Indeed, she is not one to rest on her laurels.

I expect a sequel to come out sometime in 2008.

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Robert De Niro Imagines He is Elmo

Robert De Niro has, in his storied career, taken on many roles — and in the process, showcased the power of method acting. Any movie snob knows him as a boxer, a taxi driver, and a mafia don. To his credit, he is less of a "star" than he is an actor. I mean this as a full compliment.

It is his role here on Sesame Street that he reaches the apex of his craft. Here he takes on the role of a little red monster. Let your heart be touched as he laughs aloud — for that is the laughter of tears.

Look and be amazed, for when De Niro passes on, it will be said that he could use his imagination well.

Show Your Mom Love with the MaternaCord Reconnection System

Recently, I have become distant with my mother and I've wondered what I could do to re-connect with her. Little did I know that the answer lies with how our relationship began in the first place: with the umbilical cord. It only makes sense to suppose that in order to feel an emotional connection one must also have a physical connection. The MaternaCord, therefore, is the answer.

The snap-on adhesive discs have sold me. I cannot wait to perform yoga with my mother while using the umbilical cord. I also cannot wait till the love flows between us again. My mom, afterall, is the most important person in my life.

An added bonus of the MaternaCord is that one no longer has to worry so much about grocery bills. The MaternaCord allows you to borrow a few nutrients from your mother if need be. It is just that simple.

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Zachary Allen Sings the "Candyman"

No! No! No! No! No! If this is the music my niece and nephew have to look forward to in the next five years, I want no part of it! Everything is wrong about this. Who are the powers-that-be who want to turn Zachary Allen into a pop star? Of course, I know the marketers don't care so much about my opinion as they know it's far more easy to scam preteens out of their money.

Let's look at the musical choice. There were only two people who have successfully sung this song: Sammy Davis Jr. and Gene Wilder (when he played Willy Wonka). Everyone else who has ever covered this song has done a less than adequate job. Period.

So what am I supposed to think when this kid walks up on stage and says, "What kind of candy do you want? Sweet chocolate? Gum drops?" My instant conclusion, before he is able to start the singing, is that he is destined to butcher it. Not only did he fulfil my prophecy, he committed one evil act of musical genocide.

And who told this kid to dance? Whoever it was, they should be fired immediately. After his musical career blows over, this video is still going to exist. What gets uploaded onto the internet stays on the internet — especially if it's housed on Google's servers. Zachary Allen is going to have to live with this for the rest of his life.

Finally, about the back-up dancers: do girls this young really need to know the intricacies of go-go moves?

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Junior Christian Science Bible Lesson Show

At first, I thought this was a parody, and why wouldn't I? It features all the earmarks of one. There's the alien singing songs written by Mary Baker Eddy, the smirking talents of James Quall, and the psychedelic transitional effects. Also, let's not forget the puppets. Chip the Black Boy is an unforgettable puppet.

So is this a parody? Evidently not! The puppeteer's name is David Nkrumah Liebe Hart and he looks something like this.



Apparently, the Junior Christian Science Bible Lesson Show is somewhat legendary amongst fans of Los Angeles public access television. The show has been teaching kids about UFOs and the dangers of drugs to kids since 1988. No word on how effective his show is at communicating this message, but it makes for entertaining television.

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Beautiful Victorian Children's Books Found at the Internet Archive

I was just reminded again on some of the hidden treasures of the Internet Archive. For a few years now, I've been enjoying some blues that have become public domain. And aside from seeing what Apple looked like in 1996, that's pretty much it.

Of course, imagine my surprise when I discovered that the Internet Archive also has a fine collection of public domain children's books complete with colourful jaw-dropping picturebook glory. The picture above is from a book written by Thomas Crane in 1882. Here's is an excerpt:

Then to the Hotel on the quay they all went;
To remain till the morrow they all were content:
After so much fatigue Father thought it was best,
For the children were weary and needed the rest.

Abroad — A Childrens Story

This is just the tip of the iceberg. There are over 2,000 books in this collection.

This children's library will offer you hours of amusement. If not for younger kin with old-fashioned tastes, then for that whimsical side of yourself that still takes pleasure in childish things.

Soviet Children's Books

I came across this Flickr photo set dedicated to Soviet Children's Books. By themselves, they are a fascinating study in esthetics. Yet, what is of chief interest to me is how communist ideology felt its need to touch every segment of its citizenry. See Spot Run couldn't merely be See Spot Run. Instead, it had to be See Spot Run From the Capitalist Hordes. Everything had to be a lesson.

The imagery in the above photo is frightening to me. As I get older, I tend to embrace greater and greater individualism. Uniformed men kicking in my front door is not a situation I feel like dwelling upon. Yet, here in this picture book, not only is it dwelt upon, it is celebrated. Totalitarianism can be an ugly thing.

Many commentators state that North America is headed towards totalitarianism. I don't know how true that is, but I will know to worry when children start reading books about the friendly-but-stern secret policeman who kicks in the dissident's front door. Maybe it will be entitled Johnny Arrests a Traitor.

Maggot Art

This picture was made by children dipping maggots in paint and releasing them onto a piece of paper. If you didn't know better, though, you'd think it was probably a minimalistic Jackson Pollack painting. I think I like the maggot painting better as it is more pleasing to the eye to me.

The maggots themselves are blowfly and fleshfly maggots that feed on rotting meat. They are put in pots of water-based paints and then allowed to crawl artistically all over sheets of paper. But will maggots or children be harmed by creating this art?

We use only non-toxic water-based paints to make Maggot Art. The maggots are not harmed by this paint, and they are released as adults after they have completed their development. In addition to cleaning the maggots before use, we handle them with forceps so you will not have to worry about contamination.

Maggot Art

If you want to see these maggot perform their amazing artistic feats, you can watch the video here. In any case, I love it. Not only is this art unique, it is made uniquely. Too bad I can't purchase any of this art.

How the Florida Citrus Commission Destroyed Family Values

Plan59 has created a gallery of Demonic Tots and Deeply Disturbing Cuisine. Every picture is advertising evilness that is designed to tempt you towards either gorging yourself on piles of food or provoking you towards becoming a chainsaw murderer.

The reason why I chose to showcase the fellow above is because of the flirtatious nature of the picture. It's as though the boy is trying to say, "Drink some orange juice and you will magically join Satan's minions of Gene Simmons lookalikes".

Is this the Florida Citrus Commission's attempt to undermine Christianity? I think so.