Sweet Valley High is Serious Business!

I'd like to call your attention to one of the more interesting blogs I've read recently. The Dairi Burger devotes itself to intense literary analysis of Sweet Valley High. As you'll soon realize, this is an understatement. The author of this blog examines Sweet Valley High much like a biologist with microscope.

Consider this excerpt:

First, let’s start with the cover. Why did Jessica and her date stop at the Sears portrait studio? Why in the hell does Scott have a porn moustache? He looks old enough to be my father. Or a little bit like a drag king. Creepy. And Jessica and her damn feathered hair.

The one where you think Jessica has sex but the title and cover are misleading, or #5 All Night Long « The Dairi Burger

I, unfortunately, would not be able to answer these questions. In my defense, I wouldn't be able to tell you why the twins battled a werewolf, or why a classmate of Alice Wakefield's tried to steal her face via a transplant, nor why Elizabeth fell in love with a Parisian prince.

Not that I've ever ready a Sweet Valley High book. Because... um... why would I?

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Metamorphosis: A Collection of Surrealist Art

After writing about the Toddlerpede, its creator Jon Beinart emailed me to tell me he's written a book about contemporary Surrealism entitled Metamorphosis which also showcases themes of "light" and "dark". I also happen to think the name is perfectly Kafkaesque — something I also said was notable about the Toddlerpede. In addition to showcasing established artists, he's also hoping to open people's eyes to some up-and-comers and other obscure artists.

After looking through some excerpts, I must concede that his collection is quite eclectic and he exposes the diversity within the contemporary Surrealist art movement. My favourite is the painting above. There is nothing that gets my heart a-stirring like an old Asian lady biting off the head of a baby.

So if you are ever curious about whether there's more to Surrealism than Alka Seltzer and Dali, take a look at this book.

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The Secrets of Fascinating Womanhood

The Secrets of Fascinating Womanhood is a hilarious book. Supposedly written by "Angela", the book was in reality authored by a David Coory — who seems to be some sort of arch-conservative. Indeed, the book was actually published in 1989.

The focus of the book seems to be on saving one's marriage. To put it tactfully, the advice seems quite suspect. Here's a bit of choice advice from this book:

• Admire his masculine qualities and never wound his sensitive pride
  
• Watch what men do, and do the opposite
  
• To obtain your needs from your husband, ask as a young girl asks her father

That last piece of advice is wrong on so many levels. I, for one, don't want a "young girl" to obtain her needs from me. I want a woman. It's just too creepy to be asked as a "father" for anything marriage related.

We must remember, of course, the kind of author we're talking about. Apparently, Mr Coory finds these women to be sexually arousing. Something tells me that the Sears catalogue was well maintained at the Coory household.

Via Arty Bees Books

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Colour-Coordinated Bookshelf

Next time you are locked in a library but don't want to read books, here's a something to try: arrange each book according to colour. Then, once you ingest some hallucinogens, you can taste the reading rainbow. You can be like Geordie LaForge — only you will be able to see!

Imagine what adventures will unfold! You will see the tales of fairies and spacemen and vampires!

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Beautiful Victorian Children's Books Found at the Internet Archive

I was just reminded again on some of the hidden treasures of the Internet Archive. For a few years now, I've been enjoying some blues that have become public domain. And aside from seeing what Apple looked like in 1996, that's pretty much it.

Of course, imagine my surprise when I discovered that the Internet Archive also has a fine collection of public domain children's books complete with colourful jaw-dropping picturebook glory. The picture above is from a book written by Thomas Crane in 1882. Here's is an excerpt:

Then to the Hotel on the quay they all went;
To remain till the morrow they all were content:
After so much fatigue Father thought it was best,
For the children were weary and needed the rest.

Abroad — A Childrens Story

This is just the tip of the iceberg. There are over 2,000 books in this collection.

This children's library will offer you hours of amusement. If not for younger kin with old-fashioned tastes, then for that whimsical side of yourself that still takes pleasure in childish things.

A Genius Satire: The Book of Zelph - Another Testament of the Book of Mormon

Who is Zelph? Only the greatest American to ever walk the planet. Joseph Smith identified him as a kickass white Lamanite prophet warrior who unfortunately came to a bitter end when an arrow went through his ribs. Nobody would have heard of him if Zion's Camp didn't come upon his bones on top of a hill. Still, he's only spoken of as a minor figure within Mormon history.

Until now, that is. As it happens, Josh Anderson had a dream wherein, after lopping off some Nephite guy's head, Zelph told him to go find his plates. This is explained in great detail in his testimony.

After reading the Book of Zelph in great detail, I've come away convinced it is absolutely true. At first, I had my doubts. But then, after careful prayer, I came upon this verse:

"And I promise thee that if ye ask if this book be not true, and roll a pair of dice with a sincere heart, and desire exceedingly for the book to be true, yea, the dice shall reveal the truthfulness of this book unto thee."
- Melph 5:4

And it came to pass, after I rolled a seven, that I could not deny the truth of the Book of Zelph. You see, although archaeology and DNA evidence appear to disprove the Book of Mormon, it is not quite so easy with the Book of Zelph. Sure, science may have its gizmos, gadgets, and "theories". Yet I do not see how science can explain how I rolled a seven. It doesn't make sense. Therefore, the Book of Zelph must be true.

A Genuine Political Cartoon by Dr. Seuss

It is certainly a treat to present to you this little known editorial cartoon by Dr. Seuss. Apparently, between the years of 1941-43, Dr. Seuss worked for PM — a left-wing New York daily. During this time, he made sure to air his opinions on Nazism, isolationism, racism, and conservatism.

Anyone familiar with his books realizes that Dr. Seuss very much concerned himself with politics. The Butter Battle Book, for instance, is a parable of the cold war and Horton Hears a Who is about the American occupation of Japan. With this said, who know that the hat in The Cat in the Hat found its origin in one of Dr. Seuss' political cartoons depicting Uncle Sam? Indeed, if he did not find his way into children's literature, he may well be celebrated today as an imaginative editorialist.

Just in case you want to view more of Dr. Seuss' political cartoons, take a look here.

Soviet Children's Books

I came across this Flickr photo set dedicated to Soviet Children's Books. By themselves, they are a fascinating study in esthetics. Yet, what is of chief interest to me is how communist ideology felt its need to touch every segment of its citizenry. See Spot Run couldn't merely be See Spot Run. Instead, it had to be See Spot Run From the Capitalist Hordes. Everything had to be a lesson.

The imagery in the above photo is frightening to me. As I get older, I tend to embrace greater and greater individualism. Uniformed men kicking in my front door is not a situation I feel like dwelling upon. Yet, here in this picture book, not only is it dwelt upon, it is celebrated. Totalitarianism can be an ugly thing.

Many commentators state that North America is headed towards totalitarianism. I don't know how true that is, but I will know to worry when children start reading books about the friendly-but-stern secret policeman who kicks in the dissident's front door. Maybe it will be entitled Johnny Arrests a Traitor.