Child Rapper Wants You to Know Mother Nature's Crying

Unlike other child pop stars, Lil Peppi actually has talent. Maybe he's not a prodigy, but definitely can rap better than me. It's to bad his father is managing him because this everything but his rapping is pretty awful.

Everything about this operation screams, "father is trying to live vicariously". It was Lil Peppi's father, afterall, that shot this music video. From the looks of it, he also wroter the bio on Lil Peppi's website.

Like most kids, I love school and I hope to go to college one day and attend the University of Miami, GO CANES! I Spend most of my time reading adventure stories, writing short stories, writing lyrics, playing playstation2, skateboarding, and of course doing music.

Lil Peppi, Peppi - ABOUT ME

Yeah, right. Most kids like school. Because we all know American public schools are overburdened with eight-year-old boys who can't wait to do their homework.

Now there is a time when parents must realize that if their children are talented, they must let nature take its course. Let the child do his own thing — with dad's encouragement. Don't force the outcome.

Besides, if daddy was a good rapper, he would have produced this golden turd of a video.

McDonald's Creates a Viral Marketing Campaign -- Based on Hair Metal

McDonalds has a lot to answer for. On its resume, its produced cows so genetically engineered, they've transcended the definition of "bovine". They have also produced a fatty acid that seems to love reproducing itself in the gluteus maximii — a feat so incredible, millions of burger-chomping women have taken up lowrise jeans and g-strings to further emphasis this accomplishment.

Well, add BurgerCon to the list, a website whose sole purpose is to prove that Eddie Murphy's mom from The Klumps should be in a hair metal band. They do not do that. Instead, it's a loud reminder why those pimple-faced fry guys can never get my order right.

Hey McDonalds, I just want you to know from the bottom of my heart: you really suck.

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Full-Length Version of "Glen or Glenda?"

That's right folks, this is the full version of "Glen or Glenda", one of the worst films of all time. It's not as though the topic itself is not worth filming about. Rather, there's just so much wrong about this.

Bela Lugosi's mad scientist character is utterly out of place in this quasi-documentary. The dialogue is clipped and manic. And what's the point of the bison juxtaposed on the screen for absolutely no reason?

Before all of you start your accolades of sympathy, remember that Ed Wood once gave the advice to "just keep on writing. Even if your story gets worse, you'll get better." In other words, I'm pretty sure Ed Wood knew his film was awful. Sometimes it's the awful things that are worth paying attention to, though.

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Nintendo Amusement Park

Did I ever tell you how much I love Nintendo? I absolutely do. Only after working for one of their competitors and realizing how much I don't like "hardcore" gaming did I realize exactly what Nintendo offers — the ability to play for fifteen minutes or for hours. In my possession, I have both a DS and a Wii and, for the moment, the DS is where it's at. My current favourite is Hotel Dusk which is pretty much a visual novel with a noir bent.

Anyway, I think this particular idea is neat but it is implemented very poorly. Nintendo Amusement Park purports to offer you a real life video game equivalency. That is to say, the ability to simulate gaming through real life. It's just a Mario-themed obstacle course.

The other thing I should mention is that I don't believe video game amusement parks really work in this day and age. Where is Chuck E. Cheese? Where's SEGA's old amusement parks? For that matter, whatever happened to arcades?

I gave them points for creating this amusing video, though.

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Dracula -- Soul Music Edition

If ever I need a reminder that music of yesteryear sucks as much as it does today, i need to look no further than "Soul Dracula" — a soulless gimmick that sucks that life out of you. Could they really only come up with two words for the lyrics? This song makes the Pussycat Dolls look like Bob Dylan.

This also proves that monster mash will always be the definitive monster novelty song. Not only does Bobby "Boris" Pickett sound more like Dracula this this bozo, but his lyrics also rhyme. At that, it is also more danceable.

There is music that makes you do violent things. Here would be one such song.

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Japan Continues to Create Video Games to Outrage Feminists

The game is called "Battle Raper 2". If the name is not obscene enough for Western consumption, take a look at the game's description.

The game is a 3D fighter where you are able to knock the female opponent's clothing off through combat. The story line has no relations to the original Battle Raper. In Battle Raper 2 there is no raping in the whole game even though the title may imply that there is. In this Battle Raper you also have the option of editing the clothing and weapons of characters.

Battle Raper 2 - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I don't know how this game has not caused outrage in Japan, but society there must have a totally different attitude to women than we do. Believe me, I'm as much a fan of Japan as the next person, but there has to be an explanation as to why there is even a market for this game. Does the common video game buyer even know what the word "rape" means? If not, did the developers even look at what this word means in an English dictionary?

Hypothetically speaking, if this game ever made it to North American shores, I wonder how Jack Thompson would handle it. He's already thrown hissy fits over much tamer fare. Not that I want this game to have a North American distributor either.

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The Official Website of America

Even I, a Canadian, feel pretty American when I visit The Offical Website of America. I feel pretty damn patriotic too. It is here, with the star-spangled banner waving loudly in the background, that one realizes what a kickass place the United States of America is.

With a "Born in the USA" MIDI playing proudly, the casual web surfer understands — finally — what there is to love about America. In this order, this is what makes USA so great:

1. FREEDOM!
   
2. Liberty
   
3. Justice
   
4. George Washington
   
5. Hamburger
   
6. Baseball
   
7. Abe Lincoln
   
8. Grand Canyon
   
9. Friendly People
   
10. Andrew Jackson

If that's not enough to convince you of the sheer awesome magnitude of the nation that names itself not after just one continent, but two continents that other countries happen to reside in, maybe this animated GIF will change your mind.

Now, if you don't mind, I feel the need to buy a coonskin hat, eat some beef jerky, and drive a pick-up truck. I feel this urge because of the monstrous power of the bald-headed eagle pulsating through my veins. That, and a real need to get myself to Wal-Mart soon.

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Bill Cosby Sings the Beatles

Bill Cosby has given us so much: Fat Albert, Jell-O, and the greatest 80s sitcom ever. He also taught us the importance of a-bippin' and a-boppin'. I submit — and I do so with all my mortal authority — that the greatest gift Cos bestowed upon this planet is Hooray for the Salvation Army Band!

Here Mr. Cosby "sings" with all his might through 12 fantastic melodies of memorable 60s Rock and Roll. I don't know if he was serious. I don't care. With Cosby's deliverance, there's nothing quite like it. This is pure 100% vintage Cosby.

And I have you here two samples from this glorious album: Satisfaction and Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. And while Satisfaction has the charm of being nowhere near the original song, my favourite is the latter. He's not quite singing here, but his voice goes well with trumpet flourish. I'm hooked.

Plus, how can you resist the album cover? It's got Cosby with a cigar, parted hair, and a tie with no shirt on. This is epic.

Via Frank's Vinyl Cafe

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Zachary Allen Sings the "Candyman"

No! No! No! No! No! If this is the music my niece and nephew have to look forward to in the next five years, I want no part of it! Everything is wrong about this. Who are the powers-that-be who want to turn Zachary Allen into a pop star? Of course, I know the marketers don't care so much about my opinion as they know it's far more easy to scam preteens out of their money.

Let's look at the musical choice. There were only two people who have successfully sung this song: Sammy Davis Jr. and Gene Wilder (when he played Willy Wonka). Everyone else who has ever covered this song has done a less than adequate job. Period.

So what am I supposed to think when this kid walks up on stage and says, "What kind of candy do you want? Sweet chocolate? Gum drops?" My instant conclusion, before he is able to start the singing, is that he is destined to butcher it. Not only did he fulfil my prophecy, he committed one evil act of musical genocide.

And who told this kid to dance? Whoever it was, they should be fired immediately. After his musical career blows over, this video is still going to exist. What gets uploaded onto the internet stays on the internet — especially if it's housed on Google's servers. Zachary Allen is going to have to live with this for the rest of his life.

Finally, about the back-up dancers: do girls this young really need to know the intricacies of go-go moves?

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Captain Ozone Can Kick Captain Planet's Ass!

In an attempt to educate the masses (which mean you and I), Environment Media Northwest has created Captain Ozone. And they've gone full throttle with their promotion. For those who are really enthused, you can download Captain Ozone's full documentary which features time travel, eco art day, and a music video.

Now I know what you're thinking: there's already a environmental superhero and his name is Captain Planet. In my opinion, though Captain Ozone can kick Captain Planet's ass. I have my reasons for saying this. First of all, Captain Ozone has what looks like a toilet bowl for a logo. My other reason is that when Captain Ozone is not in his costume, he looks like this:

Ridiculousness aside, I can only enjoy this because I'm well aware this is incredibly lame. I don't think recycling toilets into art is a suitable means of environmental action. Call it a feeling.

Bacon and Eggs Bikini

Yes, the bacon and eggs bikini is a bad idea. Never mind the stench. I can't see how this could be hygienic. I know this because I found this picture on Safety Third.

!!!SAFETY THIRD!!! is strictly a forum for bad ideas and how they relate to safety, what constitutes safety in a dangerous situation, tall tales of unsafe actions, debauchery, fire, explosions, power tools, weapons and weapons made out of everyday items etc.

!!!SAFETY THIRD!!! - tribe.net

I am sure no one has tried this before. Lest anyone is tempted to after reading this post, let me state pre-emptively: "Ew!" Even though this is disgusting, the concept is comedic gold.

Kanahakkliha: Awful Estonian Meat Commercial

I once worked in a chicken slaughterhouse. That was a memorable experience. If anything else, it made me enjoy the taste of chicken more because if there is any animal that deserves to die, it's the chicken. Those damn birds the smelliest, most obnoxious bird ever invented.

Funny enough, experiences like mine often turn people into vegans. It did the opposite to me. However, after viewing this Estonian meat commercial, my stomach turned. It made me want to forsake the cause of meat altogether. In short, they've been done what PETA has been trying to do to me for years: hate meat.

I don't know what's scariest. The off-colour meat looks rank. The background music is eerie. As well, it looks like the women chowing down on the meat are enjoying it a little too much.

I think what ultimate sells me on the "meat is evil" argument is the voiceover repeating again and again "KANA! KANA! KANA! HAKKLIHA!" I don't speak Estonian, but I have a feeling it means, "Our meat has been to places no man should attempt to see. Please ingest wisely."

Oh well. I'm having steak tomorrow.

The Shaggs - My Pal Foot Foot

If you don't know who The Shaggs are, you probably won't appreciate this. If you do, you'll find this to be a fitting tribute to the "best worst band" of all time. Like I said, if you have never encountered The Shaggs before, you will find this disconcerting. Actually, that's an understatement.

Anyway, someone has made an animated video for "My Pal Foot Foot". I think this pretty much shows everything that really made The Shaggs special. You either accept them as is, or you don't. But if you do, you'll find their music — and this video — to be endearing.

Jihad Comes to MySpace: Radical Islamic Rap

Soldiers of Allah, the controversial fundamentalist Islamic hip hop group, are now on MySpace. Many will find this to be an odd juxtaposition. Seeing how MySpace seems to be the hangout of choice for Emo bands, heathens, and 13-year-old girls (real and otherwise), radical Islam seems to be an anachronism in such an environment. But who says jihadism is not in need of social networking?

We realize this is not the way to revive the Omaha
but just a tool to motivate Muslim
to go to the real source which is Islam
It is Islam that organize our lifes
and Islam which shows us the method to revive
We encourage and invite you to listen
and think about the ideas that was presented

Soldiers of Allah | MySpace

In other words, fundamentalist Muslims have realized that casual Muslims have MySpace accounts. If they create a MySpace accound, maybe they can get a little social networking to happen, and before you know it, a casual Muslim is no longer so casual. Whether it works or not, I don't know, but upon checking Soldiers of Allah's friends, many are women and most them are not wearing a hijjab.

Which brings me to an altogether different point. Soldiers of Allah offends me not so much because of their message — I'm not afraid of fundamentalism — but because their music is altogether terrible. They can't stay on beat, their rhymes induce wincing, and there's just no flow. Can't these guys at least put a little more craft into their work?

In any sense, if you are of the opinion radical Islam is absolutely averse to Western culture, get your head out of the clouds. Radical Islam does have its practical side, as you can see here. It's not afraid to use hip hop, street culture, and MySpace if it can get its message across. They'll use more of it if they believe it will work.

Here's your proof.

Anger-Inducing Fashion Statements

Do you like infuriating people for no damn reason? Are you the kind of person who takes joy in family arguments during Thanksgiving? Is there nothing more fun than upping someone's blood pressure towards dangerous levels? Then hop on over to Catirina Bonet Designs and buy that coat!

Rest assured, this is most definitely how people will not respond (nor will anyone mistake you for being famous):

I love to wear this coat!! If you ever wondered what it feels like to be famous—wear this coat! I wore it into a chic San Francisco department store and the store buyer chased me out on the side walk to find out “WHO” did my coat. I said, “Catirina Bonet in Los Angeles”. He said, “Oh yes! Catirina Bonet! I have loads of their stuff coming in for next season!” ha! ha! What could I say to that? True story. I have a witness.

ITEM - KNITTING PATTERN - Angelas Coat of Many Colors

Ah, the fashion world. There is no other intrepid industry like it. A place where beautiful faces canoodle with eccentric personalities and create such engaging art. Add to cart, as they say.

Dr Don's Bizarre Termite Page

My eyes hurt. Then again, yellow text on pink background will do that to you. Following the lead of Something Awful, I'm going to submit Dr Don's Bizarre Termite Page as an "awful link".

No, there's nothing bizarre. That is, unless you find the "wacky" hijinx of America's Funniest Home Videos to be bizarre. Let Dr Don explain, to exactitude, what is so bizarre about termites.

They're interesting animals and their interactions with humans can be quite unexpected. How about termites infesting an aircraft and reducing the pilot's ability to control it? Well, it really did happen once! Rats! That link's dead now

Dr Don's Bizarre Termite Page

I'm sure all of you will find Dr Don's Bizarre Termite Page to be totally intriguing and fascinating. That is, if you don't go blind while reading it.

Mrs Miller's Greatest Hits

I discovered Mrs Miller while perusing Frank's Vinyl Museum and instantly fell in love with her. The album cover says it all. Mrs Miller exudes a seductive swagger that would intimidate the breath out of Frank Sinatra. Take a look at the way she holds that microphone. Enough said.

But does she have the goods to back it up? Sadly, not. If anything, she's the perfect example of someone who is too confident — and someone sought to take advantage of her own self-deception.

Mrs. Miller's album is definitely over the top, but I get the very sinister feeling from the liner notes that while Miller herself may have been completely serious about what she was doing, whoever coaxed her to make this album was laughing on the inside, and probably egging her on to be even more extreme.

Mrs. Miller's Greatest Hits

With that said, there is no doubt in my mind that Mrs Miller is responsible for the best version of Downtown ever recorded. You got to hear it for yourself. There is nothing like it.