Zachary Allen Sings the "Candyman"

No! No! No! No! No! If this is the music my niece and nephew have to look forward to in the next five years, I want no part of it! Everything is wrong about this. Who are the powers-that-be who want to turn Zachary Allen into a pop star? Of course, I know the marketers don't care so much about my opinion as they know it's far more easy to scam preteens out of their money.

Let's look at the musical choice. There were only two people who have successfully sung this song: Sammy Davis Jr. and Gene Wilder (when he played Willy Wonka). Everyone else who has ever covered this song has done a less than adequate job. Period.

So what am I supposed to think when this kid walks up on stage and says, "What kind of candy do you want? Sweet chocolate? Gum drops?" My instant conclusion, before he is able to start the singing, is that he is destined to butcher it. Not only did he fulfil my prophecy, he committed one evil act of musical genocide.

And who told this kid to dance? Whoever it was, they should be fired immediately. After his musical career blows over, this video is still going to exist. What gets uploaded onto the internet stays on the internet — especially if it's housed on Google's servers. Zachary Allen is going to have to live with this for the rest of his life.

Finally, about the back-up dancers: do girls this young really need to know the intricacies of go-go moves?

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