Saturday, March 17, 2007

A Genius Satire: The Book of Zelph - Another Testament of the Book of Mormon



Who is Zelph? Only the greatest American to ever walk the planet. Joseph Smith identified him as a kickass white Lamanite prophet warrior who unfortunately came to a bitter end when an arrow went through his ribs. Nobody would have heard of him if Zion's Camp didn't come upon his bones on top of a hill. Still, he's only spoken of as a minor figure within Mormon history.

Until now, that is. As it happens, Josh Anderson had a dream wherein, after lopping off some Nephite guy's head, Zelph told him to go find his plates. This is explained in great detail in his testimony.

After reading the Book of Zelph in great detail, I've come away convinced it is absolutely true. At first, I had my doubts. But then, after careful prayer, I came upon this verse:

"And I promise thee that if ye ask if this book be not true, and roll a pair of dice with a sincere heart, and desire exceedingly for the book to be true, yea, the dice shall reveal the truthfulness of this book unto thee."
- Melph 5:4

And it came to pass, after I rolled a seven, that I could not deny the truth of the Book of Zelph. You see, although archaeology and DNA evidence appear to disprove the Book of Mormon, it is not quite so easy with the Book of Zelph. Sure, science may have its gizmos, gadgets, and "theories". Yet I do not see how science can explain how I rolled a seven. It doesn't make sense. Therefore, the Book of Zelph must be true.

0 comments: