My birthday is coming up. If anyone gives me this cake, it will be the worst birthday ever. There's no better way to show your appreciation of someone than to make them cake in the shape of a dismembered hand with rats chewing on it. No sir, I do not want that cake.
However, I do see the humour involved. If I was giving this to someone else, then that would be the best cake ever. It would be the best cake because it would be someone else's cake and not mine. And it would be the most delicious cake ever.
You can see more details of how this was made over here.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
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How Would You Like a Decapitated Hand Cake? |
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Most Racist Ad Ever |
First of all, how did a bunch of racists raise enough money to create this pathetic ad? Yes, I said this ad is pathetic. A whole bunch of white people may be smiling and cuddling children in this ad, but you know they're itching to burn down some crosses. The music may be silky smooth, and the voiceover may be calming, yet I know they are absolutely chomping at the bit to blow a Black person's face off if they could.
National Vanguard have successfully created the most racist advertisement ever. Who the hell gives them the right to speak for "White" America? I know I don't need their faux "news" to tell me how to think. Life is good for me. I go to work. I come home. I make friends. Some of those friends are not "white". Do note the quotation marks are not by accident, as I cannot think of any more retarded reason to hate someone than skin pigment.
Regardless, if you need any evidence on the moral and intellectual ineptitude of American racism, watch this ad. I, for one, hope this was never broadcast on any television stations. If it was, do the right thing and make a complaint.
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I Want To Be a Macho Man |
Before Maxim, before Playboy, there was a different kind of men's magazine. Rather than simply being a catalogue of scantily clad women, these magazines featured adventures to far off places, where the shirtless "real man" was attacked by crabs, weasels, and lizards.
Adrenalin pumping and hormones oozing, vets of the Second World War were greeted back to the homefront with the sobering prospect of a post-war life highlighted by a GI Bill-subsidized education, a wife, the kids, a home in the suburbs and a grey flannel suit. But wait a minute, what about those leech-infested Burmese jungles and Nazi-choked bombed-out French villages of recent memory? For men readjusting to civilian life and craving an outlet for adventure, a new genre of magazine evolved to fill the vacuum of lost exploits and imagined lives, not only for vets but for adolescents and the Walter Mittys of the emerging atomic generation.
To me, there's quite a whiff of homo-eroticism on the covers of these magazines. Every magazine advertises savagery and the opportunity to read tales of "Real Men". The names of these magazines say it themselves: All Man, Man's Conquest, and True Men. And what exactly do these "real" men do? I don't know, but I'm betting it includes taking their shirts off.
In another sense, there is also some honesty with those magazines. Which man doesn't want to conquer something? I know I do. However, the whole idea of conquest in our current time is a big no-no; it is associated with "imperialism". During the 50s, though, a man was allowed to state openly he wanted to conquer the uncivilized world.
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More Slowed Down Chipmunk Songs |
David Cassel of 10 Zen Monkeys emailed me today to tell me that more slowed down songs of The Chipmunks have been discovered.
I saw a link to your article about the slowed-down Chipmunk Christmas mashup, and thought you'd appreciate this story. Apparently "Alvin & the Chipmunks" career included dark detours.
Thanks for the heads up, David! Let me add my opinion that The Chipmunks career, at the moment, still qualifies as a "dark detour". Rumour has it that a computer-rendered/live action movie is in the works. Such a setup has never worked save for Who Killed Roger Rabbit when much of the success owed itself to the sheer novelty factor.
As for the songs, we have David Seville's (a.k.a. Ross Bagdadsarian) voice triple-tracked, first at regular speed, then slowed down. Here's another one of him performing as all three Chipmunks. Finally, we also have the scat-singing imitation Nutty Squirrels. If you slow the song down, you can hear the distinct voice of jazzman Don Elliot.
My original post about this topic can be found here.
Monday, October 30, 2006
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...Trail Of Dead - Another Morning Stoner |
When I first heard ...Trail of Dead, I thought to myself, "At last! An antidote to boring indie rock!" As it turns out, I was wrong. Boring indie rock gave out to emo, which is more boring but with the pretension that they are being "sincere". In any sense, I was just happy these guys knew how to rock out.
As this video showcases, what ...Trail of Dead does so well is bridge the gap between brutality and melody giving a glimpse into a texture that is quite reflective. Anyone who still has hope that rock and roll has a pulse can appreciate this song. ...Trail of Dead is not so concerned with any kind of halcyon days. They just want to move forward and create music that no one has heard before.
I think they do a bang-up job.
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Hella - Republic of Rough and Ready |
If you like your math rock rough and tumble, I recommend Hella. They are a blitzkrieg of electric guitar and drums that can turn on a dime. This is music to listen to while trying to solve algebraic equations.
Still, you don't have to be a math geek to appreciate music. Headbangers are welcome too. Just don't get yourself whiplash.
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Odd Bylaw Sign Gives New Meaning to Surrealism |
According to city dictates, I'm guessing you are not allowed to park at that spot for one certain minute on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Perhaps something important happens at that particular spot during those days. I don't know what it could be, but it is important enough for the city to decide that no one can park there at that spot at that minute.
I wonder if anyone has been caught parking there at that particular time during one of those particular days. Was he penalized? How much did he have to pay in parking tickets? And if that did happen, what was on the mind of the bylaw officer?
There are too many unanswered questions about that sign, and I'm never going to have an answer.
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Bacon and Eggs Bikini |
Yes, the bacon and eggs bikini is a bad idea. Never mind the stench. I can't see how this could be hygienic. I know this because I found this picture on Safety Third.
!!!SAFETY THIRD!!! is strictly a forum for bad ideas and how they relate to safety, what constitutes safety in a dangerous situation, tall tales of unsafe actions, debauchery, fire, explosions, power tools, weapons and weapons made out of everyday items etc.
I am sure no one has tried this before. Lest anyone is tempted to after reading this post, let me state pre-emptively: "Ew!" Even though this is disgusting, the concept is comedic gold.
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Maggot Art |
This picture was made by children dipping maggots in paint and releasing them onto a piece of paper. If you didn't know better, though, you'd think it was probably a minimalistic Jackson Pollack painting. I think I like the maggot painting better as it is more pleasing to the eye to me.
The maggots themselves are blowfly and fleshfly maggots that feed on rotting meat. They are put in pots of water-based paints and then allowed to crawl artistically all over sheets of paper. But will maggots or children be harmed by creating this art?
We use only non-toxic water-based paints to make Maggot Art. The maggots are not harmed by this paint, and they are released as adults after they have completed their development. In addition to cleaning the maggots before use, we handle them with forceps so you will not have to worry about contamination.
If you want to see these maggot perform their amazing artistic feats, you can watch the video here. In any case, I love it. Not only is this art unique, it is made uniquely. Too bad I can't purchase any of this art.
Sunday, October 29, 2006
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Chicken Tractors |
"Killing two birds with one stone" would apply in this situation, only one of the purposes of a chicken tractor is to keep the bird alive. The other purposes are pest control, lawn care, fertilizing the soil, and frustrating predators.
The chickens eat all of the bugs and pests that destroy the crops, fertilize the space that the chicken tractor occupies, and are kept safe from natural predators like foxes, raccoons, and possums. Due to the large amount of waste that the chickens produce, many different garden beds can be fertilized using only one chicken tractor. Most people use a system of garden beds and rotate the location of the chicken tractor amongst these beds. This makes sure that each bed gets the proper amount of fertilization, and also that they do not stay for too long in one area and cause damage to the garden by scratching and picking.
A chicken tractor is a movable, floorless chicken coop. While many value free-range chicken, one must remember that weasels, foxes and other predators are also free-rangers. That is to say, the more you leave a chicken in the open, the more likely the chicken may fall prey to carnivores. But why give up on the obvious benefits of free range? A chicken tractor still allows chicken to forage for grass, weeds and bugs.
As you can probably guess, while this device is valuable to the life of a chicken, its true value comes in the by-product of a chicken: excrement. Chickens produce a lot of it. For every two pounds a chicken eats, it produces one pound manure. 40% of it is organic matter. A chicken tractor is a boon for soil since it allows one to fertilize soil while pinpointing which soil needs it most.
So all told, while the chicken tractor seems like a simple device — and it is — it also simplifies a complicated task. Sustainable farming is an important project for the 21st century in general. As our population grows, we're going to have to find more creative ways to produce food. There is no reason why livestock should work against vegetation. Indeed, as the chicken tractor shows, there is good reason to believe the two can complement each other.
To put it more simply, chicken tractors makes farming a more efficient enterprise.
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Roxy Music - Virginia Plain |
The most innovative band of the early 70s was Roxy Music. What we have here is their first hit, "Virginia Plain" as performed on Top of the Pops. The guy with the long blonde hair on playing the synthesizer is future uber-producer Brian Eno. This was, of course, Brian Eno's first pop band.
One can argue that the true spirit of glam rock was not David Bowie, but Roxy Music. While David Bowie was the consummate showman who had immeasurable media savvy, Roxy Music — while Brian Eno was a member — pushed pop music to places no one expected it to go. I think the results speak for themselves.
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Medieval Anatomical Sculpture |
Dream Anatomy is a US government website documenting the history of medicine. There documentation of medicine consists largely of medical drawings throughout history. While the history of medicine is in and of itself fascinating, what is also interesting is that the history of medical drawings is also the history of artistic realism. Of course, the function of medicine is to accurately cure ailments. For this reason, all artful renderings of the human body must be realistic.
Now consider the above sculpture.
These manikins, between 6 to 7 inches in length, were made from solid pieces of ivory. The arms were carved separately and are moveable. The thoracic and abdominal walls can be removed, revealing the viscera. In some manikins the internal organs are carved in the original block and are not removable, while they are formed into separate pieces that can be removed.
If you click on the thumbnail above, you will discover little people operating the internal organs. That was the science of the day, not some piece of fantasy. Isn't that amazing?
500 years into the future, I wonder what others will laugh at as being fanciful from our era.
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Pool + Dominos = Awesome |
I love pool tricks. I love dominos tricks. I never really understood why until I saw this video. If you add the two, you build awesomeness. Nothing can really describe what you are about to see except to say that it is technical precision.
This is the ultimate in technical precision.
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Plushees! Plushees! Plushees! |
You should check out While She Naps. It's all about plushees for newborns, but there's a twist. The blogger, whoever she is, creates a new plush doll every day, takes a picture of it, then writes about it. This is a great example of artistic perseverence, as I tried this one time with photography, and I couldn't keep it up.
As for the plushees, they are cute. I think they also have a nice expressionistic quality about them. The blogger often writes about what inspires her creations, so it is nice to gain some insight about her creative process.
If you have the dough and you like her plushees, you can purchase one of them from her shop.
Saturday, October 28, 2006
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Birth Control for Bambi |
Remember the good old days where you used to control the deer population by shooting them to death? These days are a lot like the old days except rather than filling rifles full of bullets, you fill them full of liquid contraceptives. Just aim and fire. Bambi will no longer make babies. At least, that's how they do it in Maryland.
Problem solved, right? Actually, people are up in arms.
Critics of immunocontraception say it is another example of human manipulation of nature, and some hunting organizations say it threatens their sport, according to a 2004 report by Priscilla Cohn, a philosopher and then-professor emeritus at Pennsylvania State University who studies animal ethics.
Basically, people are angry because we're trying to impose limits on the deer birthrate and because we are not imposing these limits through killing deer. So if you take the middle ground, people still get pissed off. I'm not going to kid myself and say I didn't expect this.
Just in case some reasonable people read this blog, I'm going to state my opinion. One way or another, deer are going to die. Either it's by us or by some other cause. And guaranteed, some deer will die by us, whether it is intentional or not. Certainly, we can hunt deer, but there's always a jackass who gets too trigger happy. We can try and not "manipulate" nature, but there will be the inevitable conflict, and a human will die when a deer makes its way across a highway, and a car comes comes a-crashing. I know this as it happens every year in Canada.
With these factors into consideration, it's best to eliminate trigger happy jackasses and the likelihood of car collisions. The logical conclusion is contraceptives for deer. I'm betting it works.
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Life is Hell at Walker Lake |
Galen Milne-Hines created this short film in 2005 in one day only using a digital camera and a laptop. He did a damn good job of it too. Each frame is tastefully rendered with a soundtrack supplied by Do Make Say Think. I can't wait to see more material from him.
In case you are wondering, Walker Lake is located near Huntsvill, Ontario. Looks like a nice quiet, peaceful place. It would be hell, though, if you are itching for some action.
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Kanahakkliha: Awful Estonian Meat Commercial |
I once worked in a chicken slaughterhouse. That was a memorable experience. If anything else, it made me enjoy the taste of chicken more because if there is any animal that deserves to die, it's the chicken. Those damn birds the smelliest, most obnoxious bird ever invented.
Funny enough, experiences like mine often turn people into vegans. It did the opposite to me. However, after viewing this Estonian meat commercial, my stomach turned. It made me want to forsake the cause of meat altogether. In short, they've been done what PETA has been trying to do to me for years: hate meat.
I don't know what's scariest. The off-colour meat looks rank. The background music is eerie. As well, it looks like the women chowing down on the meat are enjoying it a little too much.
I think what ultimate sells me on the "meat is evil" argument is the voiceover repeating again and again "KANA! KANA! KANA! HAKKLIHA!" I don't speak Estonian, but I have a feeling it means, "Our meat has been to places no man should attempt to see. Please ingest wisely."
Oh well. I'm having steak tomorrow.
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Japanese Women Eating Heads of Cats |
I have, for your edification, Japanese women eating heads of cats. Yes, they are live cats. If you want a larger view, click on the pick. I love the glazed look in all of their eyes and the thickly applied mascara. The cats seem way to submissive. Perhaps they've been party to this for too long.
Don't laugh. This could be the next cultural fad imported from Japan.
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Man Banned from Touching Muscles |
In one of the most bizarre criminal cases I've seen in quite some time, behold the sorry fate of Akinwale Arobieke, a 45-year-old man from Liverpool. The court has banned him from feeling people's muscles and asking them to exercise in public.
Merseyside Police applied to Liverpool Magistrates' Court for a Sexual Offences Prevention Order against Arobieke - despite the fact he has not been convicted of a sex crime...
Under the terms of the order Arobieke cannot touch, feel or measure muscles or ask people to do squat exercises in public. Neither can he approach or do paid or voluntary work with any young person under 18...
[H]e cannot loiter near educational establishments, gyms or sports clubs.BBC NEWS | UK | England | Merseyside | Man banned from touching muscles
I am not educated in legal affairs. However, it seems to me the judge got it all wrong in this case. It strikes me that if he has been convicted of 15 counts of harrassment in regards to "feeling people's muscles and asking them to exercise", he has an unhealthy fascination with muscles. Rather than simply punishing the fellow, he should be put under psychiatric evaluation. This isn't simple sexual deviation, and in fact, it is questionable whether there is sexual motivation at all.
Afterall, if he is treated as, let's say, an obsessive-compulsive, perhaps he won't ever harrass people again.
Friday, October 27, 2006
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Ever Want to Go Urban Exploring? |
The above is a picture of a repair center of a Belgian national railway company. It was once used for logistics, administration, and uniform cleaning. What is extraordinary about this building is that it has been unused since 1944; it has been abandoned since that period. If you wanted to, you can walk over to that building, and do whatever you wanted inside it. Perhaps even squat there. You can see more pictures here.
This abandoned railway station is one example Forbidden Places showcases of modern architecture that has been "lost". That is to say, while once they were noteworthy places, they have been blotted out of our collective memories with nary a human visitor. As these places are "undiscovered", they are awaiting exploration.
There is a wide variety of lost architecture: hospitals, prisons, factories, theatres. Even whole towns are abandoned. Think about the fun one can have simply documenting these places, snapping their photographs. It would be worth it just for the adventure.
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The Shaggs - My Pal Foot Foot |
If you don't know who The Shaggs are, you probably won't appreciate this. If you do, you'll find this to be a fitting tribute to the "best worst band" of all time. Like I said, if you have never encountered The Shaggs before, you will find this disconcerting. Actually, that's an understatement.
Anyway, someone has made an animated video for "My Pal Foot Foot". I think this pretty much shows everything that really made The Shaggs special. You either accept them as is, or you don't. But if you do, you'll find their music — and this video — to be endearing.
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Shoes on Powerlines |
If you are like me and have often wondered why someone has thrown shoes onto powerlines, but have been content to just let the shoes be, you will appreciate this Flickr set of nothing but shoes on powerlines.
I think there is something captivating about the mystery of such occurrences. You know there is a story to be told, so often times you have to guess. Was there an argument between husband and wife with the wife compelled to throw her husbands good shoes to a place he could not recover it? We'll never know.
That's part of the fun of looking at these photos.
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Cosmetic Leg Lengthening |
I'm in pain just looking at that. The people who are willing to undergo cosmetic leg lengthening have to be suckers for pain. I mean, you're not just dealing with flesh and skin here. There's some bone involved.
Cosmetic Leg Lengthening procedures (also called Symmetric Extended Limb Lengthening) can not be compared with more simple plastic surgery options. They are very complex, painful, costly and require long recovery times from one half to one full year. People considering this procedure must be fully aware of the pain and discomfort associated with it and must be mentally prepared for the duration. Since anti-inflammatory pain medication can disrupt the creation of new bone, some doctors prescribe minimal pain management. Some medical centers require that the patient undergo a psychological evaluation to ensure they will be able to endure the recovery, with the necessary positive attitude.
So you'd think people would only do this if they have to, right? That is to say, if they are walking in an inbalance, this would be the situation to lengthen your legs. Sadly, that is not the case in China.
According to Time magazine, leg lengthening is very popular in China. If they become taller, their work, study, and marriage prospects improve. Sadly, malpractice is just as common as success rate. With their life savings spent on becoming taller, they cannot get the botched job repaired. Sounds like quite a risk to me.
Then again, this is the country that popularized foot-binding.
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Art of Cloud |
Vincent Chow has posted some magnificent cloud art on his blog. Apparently, this originated from another site, but he has not supplied the link.
The concept is simple. Take a picture of a cloud, try to look for the hidden picture within the outlines, the draw accordingly. You will probably agree that the result is quite unique.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
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Medieval Underwear |
Indeed, they wore underwear in the medieval era — in case you thought they went commando. To be precise, this is replica 15th century underwear depicted in two paintings by Antonello Da Messina and Piero della Francesca. I assume, therefore, that this model was very popular. I can see why. It's got a string for tightening and is made out of cotton. It looks pretty roomy too.
Ah, the more things change, the more things stay the same. We men still demand comfort. We still demand ease of use. In other words, aside from a few technical improvements, underwear hasn't changed a whole lot. Why re-invent the wheel?
Medieval Design, an Italian firm, is producing this exact model. From what I know, they pay especial detail to historical accuracy.
All of the items we offer: clothing, arms and armours, furniture and other historical replicas are exact reproductions of extant artifacts, others are logical extrapolations based on available medieval material. We offer only historical replicas, not fantasy items.
So if your Fruit of the Loom ain't doing the trick, and you feel you wanna go old school, be sure to plop 19 Euros for some medieval underwear, and you should be good to go.
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Apostle of Hustle - Kings and Queens |
Unlike most post rock outfits, Apostle of Hustle doesn't get enmired in theory. Instead, they delve into the sentimental and whimsical. The result is profoundly delicate but easygoing. This is the kind of music you want to listen to winter and summertime. Sometimes music just has to be fun.
Thankfully, Apostle of Hustle is one of those bands that has not forgot the meaning of fun.
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Newscaster Resembles Rapist |
I wonder how many people were thinking the same thing I was thinking when I originally saw this pic. Damn, that newscaster resembles that rapist quite a bit. It is uncanny how much they look alike. I wonder how many people thought the newscaster was the rapist. Was the television station inundated with calls?
Poor fellow. He cannot help that his lookalike is a rapist. I have no doubt he's probably salt of the other. It's too bad his evil twin ended up on the news he broadcast.
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They Will Be Single Forever |
The signs are pretty grim for these people. They don't take care of themselves. They seem to live in their own worlds. Also, they lack one very important aspect: taste.
So yes, they are probably going to be single for the rest of their lives. I'm not saying this to be mean. They just happen to be going out of their way to be as unappealing as possible.
But don't cry for them. There are different kinds of happinesses in the world.
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Test to See If You're a Psychopath |
I don't know if this is an actual psychopathy test. It does seem plausible, though. The mark of a psychopath is self-centredness and the inability to empathize with others. No doubt, I believe you will be intrigued by this.
Read this question, come up with an answer. . . This is not a trick question. It is as it reads. No one I know has got it right.
A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met a guy whom she did not know. She thought this guy was amazing. She believed him to be her dream guy so much, that she fell in love with him right there, but never asked for his number and could not find him. A few days later she killed her sister.
Question:
What is her motive for killing her sister? [Give this some thought before you answer, see answer below]
Answer:
She was hoping the guy would appear at the funeral again. If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath. This was a test by a famous American Psychologist used to test if one has the same mentality as a killer. Many arrested serial killers took part in the test and answered the question correctly.
Keep in mind, I have my doubts that this is indeed an actual test for psychopathy. Asking for the man's number outright the first time you meet him seems like the more pragmatic choice. Also, if she loves the man, she would want to create optimum conditions in which he would desire her. Her sister's funeral doesn't seem like an optimum condition.
But I'm not going to dismiss this test. For all we know, this could be a real test. I'm not a pychiatrist, so there is no way for me to know the reasoning behind the psychopath's actions.
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
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Beautiful Pictures of Paper Money |
Someone has produced a Flickr photoset of paper money. The photographer has gone beyond the mere "examples of the moneys of the world" and has instead focused on the details. Money is not what it seems.
Paper money is often beautiful stuff. While it is legal tender we scarecely [sic] notice it-only what it represents. But old banknotes often have great beauty- some of the finest engraving you are likely to see anywhere- in technicolour. Add to that the transparency of paper and watermarks and the patina of age..
If you have some paper money on you, do yourself a favour and take a look at it. Observe the fine details of it. Yes, it has to be detailed for security reasons, but more movingly, this is a fine example of how humanity has to create. Nothing is too valuable to be beyond aesthetics. Money is proof that "function over form" has not won a victory. What can be more functional than money?
It is funny how the most common and mundane objects do not get the consideration of "art". The industrial designer knows this. Many things, such as money, are designed to be art without us considering them to be art. Perhaps this is social engineering, perhaps this is habit.
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A Certain Ratio - Forced Laugh |
A Certain Ratio doesn't get as much print devoted to them as their Factory labelmates Joy Division and the Happy Mondays do. However, that does not mean they are any less influential. They were one of the first bands to have blended punk, Latin, and jazz together into a cohesive whole. Nowadays, this would be considered archetypical "post punk".
Their impact has been profound.
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Flora and Fauna Fashion |
I admit that this fashion theme is impractical and absolutely unwearable in the real world. It's the idea that matters, though. The colours are quite vibrant here, and the patterns inspiring. As this comes from nature, I feel it evokes a very natural brightness that gives me a sunny feeling.
Like I said, this fashion theme if primarily about ideas. I cannot imagine the average person putting butterflies on their eyes and lips. Moreover, the models look like they are being swallowed up by their clothes. It is rare that a model's utter ghastly thinless is overtaken by the clothes. Yes, this is quite an achievement.
As a piece of art, though, this is beautiful.
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The Cat Ladder |
If you have a cat, you know he's going to want to use this. This is Disneyland for cats. The only difference, of course, is that you won't have to travel to California. That, and there's no roller coasters. If you feed the cat some cat nap, though, and put it on top of the cat ladder, what will be the difference.
It's all a matter of building the damn thing. Luckily, you don't have to start from scratch (no pun intended). Just purchase a ladder and cover it up with the appropriate rope.
This home-made scratching 'post' is made from a four foot step ladder. It is wrapped in about 600 feet of ¼ inch un-oiled manila rope. Un-oiled sisal rope can be used as well. If you're up for the challenge of making one yourself, be sure to get rope that is un-oiled; oiled rope is toxic to cats.
Give it a go. You got a cat, you got a ladder, you got some rope. When you're done, open up a can of beer and get ready for a good time. There's nothing like cheap entertainment, is there?
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Woman Gives Birth to Black and White Twins |
First of all, these girls are absolutely adorable. I'd love to shower them in kisses and hugs. Indeed, have you ever seen anything cuter?
Believe it or not, these two are sisters. No, they are not adoptive sisters, but they come from the same mother and father. In fact, they are twins. This is very rare indeed.
Experts say the chance of twins being born with such different physical characteristics is about a million to one.
If this doesn't provoke you to want to love the human race, I don't know what will. I mean, take a look at that. These girls aren't concerned about "race relations" or "privilege" or any of that mumbo jumbo. All they really care about is getting mother's milk, their diaper changed, and rocked to sleep.
The sad aspect of this story is that, as they grow older, they will discover they are different from each other. People will question their blood bond. Yet this, more than anything else, shows me the difference between skin colour is no greater than the difference between hair colour.
Still, what a beautiful sight.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
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Long Live Creative Advertising |
I hate looking at ads. They are mind-numbing, banal, and noisy. Most of the time, the message advertisers are trying to get out to me become eclipsed by their sheer genericism. There's nothing engaging about them, they are simply in my face.
However, I don't hate advertising. I may actually go out of my way to look at an ad if it is creative enough. You may ask me to define "creative", but I know it when I see it. For instance, the ad above is creative. Not only is it functional, but it serves a dual purpose: it informs you about the watch and let's you "try" it on.
To me, advertising does not necessarily have to be manipulative. If it engages my sense of aesthetics, my appreciation of sheer cleverness, my thirst for design, not only will I like it, I will seek it out and broadcast it to my friends. In other words, I'm asking for advertisers to treat me with respect, not assume I am a mere consumer, and realize that I want to be provoked on a human level.
I'm not looking for sincerity or "keeping it real". I'm just looking for a creative message to match a creative product.
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Cool Fingernail Art |
Pfft! Red fingernails are so passe. If you really want to leave an impression with people, get your manicurist to do up your fingernails like this. If you think it's too gaudy, don't worry, your fingernails will grow back.
Of course, I notice that much of these fingernails are coated in brand logos. Is this to say that I'm missing lots of financial opportunity? That my fingernails could be used as valuable advertising space? Sign me up!
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The Chipmunk Song Slowed Down |
The puzzle is solved. Now you can know what the real voices of The Chipmunks are like. Someone has slowed down the chipmunk song. And you know what? I like it.
Here are my impressions: the guys singing sound like a bunch of sweater-wearing frat boys from the 1960s. That is to say their voices have a veneer of clean to them but I would not be surprised if these guys like to break out the brewskies. I dare say they sound quite similar to Frankie Avalon, if you remember him.
As for the slowed down nature of the song, I find it more beautiful than the regular version. It has more of a plodding, driving nature that greatly appeals to me. I give it two thumbs up.
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The Quadratic Formula Song |
Calculus has never been lionized in song to the same extent country, love and God has — which is unfortunate, since I am sure Sir Isaac Newton could dance a fancy jig. Well, it's time to cheer up, quadratic formula fans, because your time has come. The Quadratic Formula Song will turn your frowns upside down.
It's the catchy song that helps you remember the quadratic formula with that rip-roaring feel good chorus: "Over 2A! Over 2A! Over 2A!". And what's a good math song without a grisly murder?
That's right, not only will you be caught up in mathematic rapture, you will get a murder thrown into the bargain. Give it a listen. I still can't get this little ditty out of my head.
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Vinegar/Baking Soda Grenade |
If you are like me, you probably like it when things go boom! But why spend the money on firecrackers when all you need is ingredients in your kitchen? It's quick, affordable, and chances are you will not get your hand blown off. This is what you'll need.
a box of baking soda
a bottle of vinegar
a spoon
a ziploc bag
scissors
a cup of water
an empty film canister
Basically, you have all of that. So all it takes is mixing the two main ingredients and then giving it a good throw. Your enemies will never know what his them*, everyone will fear you, and you'll get to see something explode. What can be more fun?
*I do not condone violence of any kind.
Monday, October 23, 2006
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Jihad Comes to MySpace: Radical Islamic Rap |
Soldiers of Allah, the controversial fundamentalist Islamic hip hop group, are now on MySpace. Many will find this to be an odd juxtaposition. Seeing how MySpace seems to be the hangout of choice for Emo bands, heathens, and 13-year-old girls (real and otherwise), radical Islam seems to be an anachronism in such an environment. But who says jihadism is not in need of social networking?
We realize this is not the way to revive the OmahaSoldiers of Allah | MySpace
but just a tool to motivate Muslim
to go to the real source which is Islam
It is Islam that organize our lifes
and Islam which shows us the method to revive
We encourage and invite you to listen
and think about the ideas that was presented
In other words, fundamentalist Muslims have realized that casual Muslims have MySpace accounts. If they create a MySpace accound, maybe they can get a little social networking to happen, and before you know it, a casual Muslim is no longer so casual. Whether it works or not, I don't know, but upon checking Soldiers of Allah's friends, many are women and most them are not wearing a hijjab.
Which brings me to an altogether different point. Soldiers of Allah offends me not so much because of their message — I'm not afraid of fundamentalism — but because their music is altogether terrible. They can't stay on beat, their rhymes induce wincing, and there's just no flow. Can't these guys at least put a little more craft into their work?
In any sense, if you are of the opinion radical Islam is absolutely averse to Western culture, get your head out of the clouds. Radical Islam does have its practical side, as you can see here. It's not afraid to use hip hop, street culture, and MySpace if it can get its message across. They'll use more of it if they believe it will work.
Here's your proof.
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Bo Diddley Sings "Bo Diddley", 1955 |
It is arguable that Bo Diddley invented rock and roll. Sure, Little Richard had his characteristic wail. Chuck Berry had his speedy guitar. However, it is Bo Diddley who created the rhythm of rock and roll. He took it to territory blues had not tread. This makes him rock music's first great innovator.
Many people say the Ramones are rock and roll stripped to its bare essentials. This video proves otherwise. Bo Diddley is the bare essential of rock and roll, and it is too bad he has been denied recognition for so long. It cannot get any more raw, more primal, more real than this.
Here is Bo Diddley during a 1955 performance.
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The Worst Tattoos Ever |
My girlfriend loves tattoos, and she's tried talking me into getting one. Sometimes, that is a tempting proposition, but then I look at these guys. This then reminds me how most every tattoo, eventually, turns out to be a rather nasty enterprise.
For instance, Patrick Havens sums up everything I feel about the fellow above in the following words:
This dickless wonder paid someone to tattoo this on him… Shit, I know a ton of people in Brooklyn that would have done the real thing for free.
Now these tattoos (NSFW) take an especial dose of stupidity. Can it get any more stupid than tattooing the word "STUPID" on your forehead? Actually, it does. It really does.
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Anger-Inducing Fashion Statements |
Do you like infuriating people for no damn reason? Are you the kind of person who takes joy in family arguments during Thanksgiving? Is there nothing more fun than upping someone's blood pressure towards dangerous levels? Then hop on over to Catirina Bonet Designs and buy that coat!
Rest assured, this is most definitely how people will not respond (nor will anyone mistake you for being famous):
I love to wear this coat!! If you ever wondered what it feels like to be famous—wear this coat! I wore it into a chic San Francisco department store and the store buyer chased me out on the side walk to find out “WHO” did my coat. I said, “Catirina Bonet in Los Angeles”. He said, “Oh yes! Catirina Bonet! I have loads of their stuff coming in for next season!” ha! ha! What could I say to that? True story. I have a witness.
Ah, the fashion world. There is no other intrepid industry like it. A place where beautiful faces canoodle with eccentric personalities and create such engaging art. Add to cart, as they say.
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Turn Yourself into Pop Art |
If You do not know Roy Lichtenstein, you are probably familiar with his work. You can find his work at trendy pubs all over the world, or at any place that requires a wink or a nod. Indeed, you've probably been struck by the vividness of his images.
So why not turn youself into pop art? Melissa Clifton will show you how.
If you are a fan of pop art then you're probably already well acquainted with the work Roy Lichtenstein. Roy Lichtenstein became one of the leading pop artists of the sixties with his comic-strip paintings. . . Notice the thick lines, bold colors, and thought bubble. His work also often included boxed captions and words such as "WHAAM!", commonly found in comic books.Pop Art Inspired by Lichtenstein - Online Tutorial at Melissa Clifton page 1
Now to answer what probably seems like a rhetorical question: "why not turn yourself into pop art?" Comic books are the closest pop culture has come towards icons. They are abstract art in its most digestable form. Take any bit of Russian futurism, superimpose word bubbles onto it, and it instantly becomes friendly. No longer does it matter whether it is art or not. It is a "cartoon".
Roy Lichtenstein was one of the first to take the populism of comic book art and earn it respectability in the art world, although I suspect he was doing so with some irony.
So to answer the question, turning yourself into pop art gives you an air of fine art respectability, also giving you pop culture friendliness, while saying to the kids, "Hey, how about that irony? It's cool isn't it? Now let's listen to Kraftwerk!"
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The Software that is a Consumer |
Franz Alken and Karl Rueskaefer have come up with an ingenius commercial idea even though, as a connoisseur of art, I'm supposed to be opposed to evil corporations. The idea is simple. Why can't software replace you as a consumer?
What happens when a computer programme starts buying and selling stuff on Internet auctions like ebay autonomously? That is the key question of superconsumers. The stuff the Bot has bought is exhibited for a short time. Thus digital values are translated into tangible goods. And vice versa, since the Bot sells them again after a while to buy new ones. In this way, commonplace products are temporarily translated into works of art.
I am a busy person. I have certain needs and wants, but there simply is not time in the day for me to buy everything I need. In general, I only have time to buy the essentials.
This is where software as a buyer can potentially be useful. Imagine, if you will, a program that looks for the best deals, analyzes reviews from reputable sources, keeps in mind my personal tastes — and buys accordingly? Not only that, what if this software were to be programmed to buy and sell for profit?
Certainly, my application is less random than the one in the Interface and Society exhibit — and quite different from the "message" the artists are trying to make. Still, technology is supposed to make life easier, and shopping for clothes, cutlery, and microwaves is a pain in the neck. All I want is the best deal with a decent warranty.
If software can take the place of being the consumer, rather than me, I'm happy.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
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The Slits - Instant Hit |
My Chemical Romance does not represent the true spirit of punk. That much is obvious. Neither is Epitaph Records indicative of the true spirit of punk Both the mall punk and the gutter punk: neither of these show light on what punk was truly about.
Punk was about experimentation. The Clash were not afraid to get down and funky. Johnny Rotten, as I previously noted, went on to create some of the most innovative rock music ever. The Talking Heads got their start from CBGBs (R.I.P.).
The most innovative punk bands were the girl punk bands. Lilliput (a.k.a. Kleenex) was just as minimalistic as Wire, but were not afraid to be whimsical. The Raincoats utilized a whole stream of sound that had hitherto been ignored by everyone else. Most innovatively, the Slits discovered the principle of fun.
And the Slits were definitely fun. This song forces you to tap your foot. The video you are about to watch is basically young women off on some merry adventures. Funny enough, I can relate to this a heck of a lot better than the Britneys of the world. This is because I know these girls. I meet them everyday. Perhaps one day, some fun-loving girls will pick up their instruments — and, in the process, reignite the spirit of punk.
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Robot Commits Suicide by Drinking Coca-Cola |
This is pretty cool. This robot searches out puddles of Coca-Cola on the floor, sips it up, and then kills itself from the acid in the soda — destroying its own circuitry. I, myself, would think this would be pretty cool to see.
As a project unto itself, I think it is neat all on its own. It doesn't need to be any "deeper" than it already is. Unfortunately, the robot's creator is of a different opinion.
In this artwork, the routine destruction we do to our bodies, mitigated through corporate mass media, is comically expressed through a robot named C3 . . . Companies such as Coca Cola deploy marketing strategies that completely infuse our culture with a sense of well being and elevated self worth that contradicts the actual benefits of the consumable product.
Okay, drinking Coca-Cola is not the best thing for your body. We get it. However, if people want Coca-Cola, why shouldn't Coca-Cola make money on people's demand? Marketing does not doom people to buy one's product. Just look at the company who made Twinkies, for instance. It went bankrupt, despite being an institution.
Despite my view that I think the creator of this project is out to lunch, I still think the sheer coolness of the robot speaks for itself. A self destructive robot with a penchant for Coca Cola is something that is worth seeing. I want one.
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Fun with Multiple Wives! |
A woman in a polygamous marriage has decided to blog about her experiences. This one isn't a fundamentalist Mormon, but a fundamentalist Muslim. One neat facet of her writing is the abundance of ways she misspells the word "polygamous". For instance, the name of her blog is Polygynous Blessings.
For all the ways she extols the benefits of polygamy, she sure seems to have a lot of drama in her life. For instance, take a look at this excerpt from a post.
so last weekend in a discussion between myself and three other sisters, which was really a discussion between myself and one sister with two other sisters intercepting at their leisure, i made some statements about my sister-wife that were misconstrued as me making hubby's marriage to her sound like a "charity case." one sister present, after said conversation, proceeded to tell another sister who was not even in the room when the conversation was happening, that i made my sister-wife out to seem like a "charity case," and eventually the news reached my sister-wife's ears. needless to say, she called me and we talked about it and everything is cool. but i just thought i would post an "official" statement to the world:
MY SISTER-WIFE IS NOT A CHARITY CASE!!!!
It's not my business to judge anybody. Therefore, be sure I'm not trying to make fun of her. I understand she comes from a certain cultural and religious reality that I do not share, and she has to live with it.
With that said, polygamy in the West is still outlawed. I'm not going to argue whether polygamy should be legal or not. However, should immigrants complain about discrimination against their lifestyle when they know this lifestyle is against the law? Another way of stating this: what is the rationality of leaving your country — where polygamy is acceptable — in order to move to a country where it is inacceptable? And then, why complain?
On a personal note, I do not know why anyone would want multiple wives. I simply don't know how you can be that attentive to more than one wife. Hell, I'm having a hard time being attentive to multiple friends. Multiple wives seems to be a headache.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
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Toilets for Fat People |
Yes, I know the title of this post is politically incorrect. Perhaps a better description would be "overweight", or "BBW", or "vertically enhanced" — something of that ilk. However, I feel all politcal incorrectness goes out the window when the toilet company's name is Big John Toilet Co. I mean, what can be more obnoxiously, wittily descriptive than that name?
I'm not knocking fat people. I'm pretty much betting that in twenty years, I'm going to be fat. If anything, I'm making a mental note to my future fat self to buy a toilet from Big John.
Beyond that, though, I give kudos to Big John for recognizing a heretofore untapped market. Seats in movie theatres have gotten larger. More and more boutiques specialize in fashion for "plus size" women. Toilets sound like a more pressing need — much to the relief (har har) of fat people everywhere.
A regular toilet has a terribly small seat. This creates very uncomfortable pressure points, consequently producing numbness in the legs and thighs from lack of proper blood flow.
With the obesity rate amongst North Americans reaching record rates, Big John might not be such a niche. In a couple of years, all toilets might be shaped this way. It is simplistic to simply say, "Lose some weight". But before then, fat people are still going to have to go to the bathroom.
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We'll Be Massacred by Cute: Pictures to Prove It |
I am sure C.J. Patterson is probably a very nice lady. Also, I am sure the children she photographs are absolutely adorable, pleasant kids to be around, and I'd probably give one of them one of my kidneys if needed. With that said, there's something really eery about her photography.
To begin with, she seems too gothic to be in this line of work. Her picture seems to prove it. As a result — although all the kids she photographs are very cute — they are cute in the way Children of the Corn were cute. Doesn't the boy above, for instance, look like he'd enjoy having a bloody knife in his hand? Come on, I know you're thinking the same thing.
For further evidence, let's start with the name of her company. It is called "Angel Eyes Photography". C.J. Patterson says she named the company after how her daughters eyes reminded her of angels. You almost convinced me. However, as any spaghetti western connoisseur knows, Angel Eyes was Clint Eastwoods nemesis in The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly. Played by Lee Van Cleef, Angel Eyes was one sadistic son of a gun.
Moreover, take a look at her logo. She probably developed it before the Grudge 2 came out, but the resemblance to that blue kid in the movie is uncanny. It's as though she summoned the development of the logo through telepathy with horror film screen writers.
My final exhibit is from a post from C.J.'s blog.
I feel so blessed to photograph such adorable children! All of my clients have the cutest kids!! Little ladies, watch out! These boys are going to be some heartbreakers when they grow up!
Aside from Ms. Patterson's fondness for exclamation marks, her writing seems to be a subliminal warning to whomever would dare stop the onslaught of the adorable children. These boys are indeed going to be heartbreakers when they grow up. Quite literally.
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Why Heavy Metal is Great Children's Music |
The Thunderlords bill themselves as the first heavy metal band for kids. Actually, I believe that honour goes to Kids Can Rock and Roll. I should know, as i was one of the unfortunate kids who happened to watch them every weekend. Thus, I will amend this inaccuracy by saying that The Thunderlords are the world's first good heavy metal band, and this little advert does not do them justice.
What would happen if The Wiggles met Rob Zombie backstage at a Gwar concert and decided to form a band together? I'm not really sure, but I'd bet they would sound a lot like The Thunderlords! The Thunderlords play loud, heavy music with goofy, fun lyrics that everyone can enjoy. Except those looking for some peace and quiet. Warning: This is not the album you want to play at naptime
Yes, the description of The Wiggles meeting Rob Zombie at a Gwar concert is accurate. What they do not mention is just so damn awesome they actually are. This is the kind of music I wish was made when I was a kid. Thankfully, they have a music video for your own perusal.